Forgiveness

Exactly what is it and how do you know you have it (or have received it) and are extending it to others?  Forgiveness is the releasing of an infraction or offense committed against us – the person.  Forgiving the person for what they have done to hurt, demean, or destroy us.  It doesn’t mean we forget because it’s not possible to forget the death of a loved one caused by another, or a rape, or when one is paying a debt owed by another which takes much time to complete.  It is ever before you.  But to forgive the person means you release yourself from being attached to them in a prison of the negative incident.  They may still have to pay consequences – or not.  They may never turn around and apologize or express remorse for injuring and turning your life upside down, especially if they themselves too have died or are mentally disabled, or just evil.

Forgiveness is more for the forgiver than for the forGIVEE. J  The forgiven.  If we find it difficult to forgive others more than likely we find it difficult to extend forgiveness to ourselves and to accept and receive forgiveness from others.  From God.  We cannot believe that God or others have truly forgiven us, and we apply that same mentality against others when they have offended us.

Whether we realize it or not, we keep ourselves in a perpetual state of trying to pay back or repay someone because of the wrong we’ve done, even if it’s just psychologically or at the subconscious level.  And because we have this expectation of ourselves, we believe others have it of us as well, and thus it is how we roll:  We carry inside of ourselves an expectation of others to eventually and somehow make restitution for the pain they’ve caused, even though we may have said verbally “I forgive you”.  We expect the gods, the environment to turn on this person, not desiring for them to have the better life which we ourselves have been denied because of their choices against us.

We can only forgive to the extent that we have experienced forgiveness as our reality.  When forgiveness has become my truth (and the truth, once it is known, believed and received can and will set me free) then I can give it to others, for now I have something to talk about, something to give.  We can only give what we have, and we can only have what we’ve received, and we can only receive what we’ve been given.  FORgiven. J

Jesus said “he who forgives much is one who has received a lot of forgiveness, and he who forgives little is someone who has not received a lot of forgiveness.”  So it seems in order to be qualified for a lot of forgiveness you must be one who lives on the edge in some way.  This doesn’t mean leading a fast and dangerous life-style on the physical side, but it can mean you are one who is not always careful about what you say about others, what you do with, for or against others.  You just go and come in and through lives like tsunami-Katrina winds, or a bull in a china shop.  You may smile coming and everyone is glad to see you, but sooner than later they realize they wished you had never entered their lives at all. 

Eventually, when your tongue, feet, hands, and habits catch up with you and you look behind to see what a wrecking crew your life has been in the lives of others, if you have a heart, you will want to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  A lot of forgiveness. J  You will also want to first forgive yourself – release yourself from the prison of what you cannot change, but do what you can to make things better for those you’ve hurt (if this is possible) and for those you will meet in the future.

Many of us who have been raised in a tight Christian box were monitored ever so closely that we were not allowed to commit outward acts of sin without quick and harsh consequences.  So because we developed a habit of “not sinning” – not hurting others but pleasing everyone we met – we did not have the need for forgiveness.  Thus we for years did not develop our forgiveness muscles, and when we did commit wrong, we were the first to beat ourselves down to a pulp.  Why?  Because we did not know how to forgive, not even ourselves.  In order to receive forgiveness one must first not only do something wrong, but he/she must know that they’ve committed a wrong.

Without this knowledge people continue hurting and destroying others without a conscience.  However, many know right from wrong, but their consciences are seared to the point where they no longer have any mental or emotional feelings, and thus they can hurt and destroy without a fore- or second thought.  In Paul’s first letter to Timothy he wrote, “Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, . . .”  I Timothy 4:1&2. [Emphasis mine.]  If you’ve ever burned yourself while ironing you are familiar with the sizzling sound of flesh being fried, not to mention the hot burning pain.  But then the injured place goes through a time of numbness as it heals itself, and if healing occurs in a healthy way, the feeling will return in good time.  But if not, one could say that spot has been cauterized, and it’s as though it has been separated from the rest of the body where feeling remains.

This woman in the midst of men handling Jesus’ feet with perfume, tears and hair was an expert at making men feel good.  Perhaps some of the men in the room were jealous to see her giving to Jesus what they felt belonged to them?  “She never kissed my feet when . . .”  “Humph, that’s the perfume she bought with the cash I paid her and she pours it on His feet?!  The nerve of that . . .”  Hmmm “What have you done for me lately?”  14 verses of the seventh chapter of Luke’s gospel are devoted to this spectacle and the reactions of the witnesses:  Jesus forgiving the gross, horrible, social sins of a woman (of all people for Him to forgive.  Well “they” need it the most, don’t we?  Hmmm).

She breaks a year’s worth of wages from giving her body away to ungrateful men who would not offer her a retirement plan or dental insurance, and they get upset because . . .  But Jesus said to them about themselves, and I summarize – “when I came into your house you didn’t give me any water so I could wash My own feet, you did not greet me at the door with a bisous bisous, and you did not anoint my head with perfumed oil.  But this woman in YOUR house Mr. Simon the Pharisee (Mr. Religious Person, Mr. Holier-than-thou, Mr. Pastor, Mr. Deacon, etc.) has washed My feet with her tears (she put her face and lips on My dirty feet), and wiped them with her own hair (not a wig, but her real hair), and she anointed My feet with fragrant oil.  And by the way, since you disapprove of her so much, how did she get in here, your house Simon, in the first place?  Do you know her Simon?”  And now I quote, “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.  But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.  Then He said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’”  Luke 7:36-50

The Worst Sinners make the best lovers when they truly are transformed by the Lord of love.  Now I’m not saying to go out and live the worst life you can so Jesus can forgive you of 100,000 sins.  Not at all, for you would destroy your life and others for nothing, if you’re reading this message (and if you’re not). J  The point is first of all, we all need forgiveness because we are born in sin after Adam.  Therefore we need to learn and understand what this means and the depth of God’s sacrifice for us on the cross.  When we truly meet this truth and embrace it, and allow it to consume us, we will realize that we have been forgiven much.  John 8:31-32.

However, God has already made provision for our 100,000+ sins (per person, per day, week, month, year, etc.) and He is willing to take the chance on letting us sin again and again until we “get it” and get it good – His love and forgiveness.  And when we finally get it, like this woman, not only will we lavish it back onto Jesus, but we will be able to truly give it to one another.  Real forgiveness cost Jesus His life and soul on the cross and an eternity in hell (oh yes, go find out what that means.  It will blow your unforgiving mind.) so He well knows how difficult it is to be forgiving – to live a life as the forgiven and the forgiving forgiver.  Thus He also knows how important and powerful it is, and that is why He paid the ultimate price to first forgive us of our sins before we were ever born, and before we would ever hear about Him and decide “yes” or “no” to this “Jesus Christ” as Savior and Lord of our lives, and then secondly empower and command us to extend forgiveness to one another.

I did not know the depth of my forgiveness for others until I saw how shallow the pool of forgiveness I was swimming in for, and towards myself.  I’ve been told that it’s best to learn how to swim at the deep end of the pool for after all, one can still drown in just two inches of water and sustain a hefty bump on the head.  Now where's the fun in that?  So, let’s jump in.

Peace.

Fractures, Breaks & Bruises

Recently I witnessed up close and personal (albeit not against or towards me mind you) a situation where someone was injured. As I observed this person’s actions in the wake of the incident I allowed my mind to recall injuries in my own life and in the lives of others I know personally, and some of the lessons we learned through them. And this is what came to me . . .

Fractures and breaks are those injuries which involve the bones and they can appear on x-rays. I’ve talked to those with fractures and they say the pain is worse than a broken bone. Wow! A fracture is like a crack and it is an awkward injury. Not quite a break, but yet rendering the limb or body part useless for a while, and also needing to be guarded and protected with plaster of paris (no pun intended) i.e. a caste.

A break of course is a . . . break. The bone is no longer one piece but at least two, maybe more. It too must be protected, is painful, and the limb or other body part cannot be used for a good minute. Because it can be seen by all, the patient can and will receive sympathy and much needed help without solicitation.

In my own personal experience I’ve never had a fracture or a breakage (maybe to my little toes when I stumped them on the coffee table in the dark while walking through the living room on my way towards the staircase.), but I have experienced bruising/bruises from time to time, and they can be so painful, especially depending on the location, and of course the depth of the bruise. I noticed that you rarely if ever cover a bruise with a special bandage unless the skin has been significantly cut which would invite an infection. Again in my case, that was never the case. I was blessed for the injuries not to be that extensive, yet deep enough that I am able to empathize with others who have been bruised – physically as well as emotionally and psychologically.

When caring for the bruise I would guard it with my hand or the positioning of my body so as not to allow anything to come in contact with it. I was very “defensive” concerning that injured area. Hmmmm. You can hear what’s sizzling in the skillet can’t you?

Because we’re trying to protect the bruised area we usually keep it covered and hidden from view, but also because they are unsightly and we don’t want people to suspect anything false or maybe the truth, or to think the worst when there is no "worst". Nevertheless, bruises don’t have a good reputation. They can occur at any time for myriad reasons, but our responses and reactions to all kinds of bruises are the same: protect.

Protection usually comes in the form of defensiveness, as previously stated, guardedness, emotionally closed, as well as shortness, impatience, cutting and biting, having a sharpness to one’s personality. So when you think of weapons that are used to physically protect – knives, guns, bats, sharp objects then you can get a mental picture of what happens beneath the surface of our being human when we experience “internal” injuries.

The problem with living from a bruised disposition is that we treat everyone as a potential and probable “criminal” against us, a perpetrator of our pain. Over time, if we do not seek help from being bruised by the words, actions, or deeds of others, but instead continue to internalize them, we build our entire personality around the bruise, and even after it no longer exists in “real time”, our character will still be molded to a phantom. It will be as though we are rehashing the past again and again even when we’re not thinking about it. Yet from time to time something will happen, what psychologists call “triggers” which will awaken the memories in our psyche and we will be taken back to the future. Because the past becomes the present and the present becomes the future; it will be like “groundhog day” until we get tired of being harassed and hassled by what others have done against us, for they’ve done what dogs do: they do their business and move on, but leave you standing smelling like . . . (feel free to fill in the blank with your own descriptive terms.). Ahem. Anyhoooo, we cannot Undo what has been done to, for or against us, but we can decide what we will do in the wake of it all, each and every time. I’m still learning to practice these tips, so I’m sharing them with you as I continue living.

1. Take a bath. LOL!! This is the first thing to do when you encounter a disrespectful dog. Get rid of the stench and mess, and maybe even discard the clothing. On the emotional and mental side this may take the form of prayer and reading God’s Word first to “cleanse” your mind and emotions from the situation so you can think more clearly. (Even talking it out with a safe humane person.) I know this is what is necessary for me, and it works. But sometimes I have to take several baths after one incident. Don’t worry, this is normal. Think about people who come in contact with skunks! Ick.
2. Forgive, release and bless. We forgive because we too need to be forgiven. None of us are perfect and we all hurt others from time to time, whether we know we’re doing it or not. Sometimes people may never come to us and tell us what we have done. They may be exercising forgiveness, release and blessing towards us, or they may just be avoiding us to prevent from being hurt again, or they stay away to heal and regroup. Jesus tells us in John’s gospel that if we don’t forgive other’s their infractions (i.e. sins) against us, then God the Father will not forgive us our sins against Him. Hmmm, I really need and want God to forgive me of my imperfections, so I work hard to forgive and release. What does it mean to release? It means you are willing to “let it go” or “let them go”. It’s like setting a prisoner free, not making him/her pay for their crimes. This doesn’t mean you become a doormat for them to walk on you again and again. Think about it: in order to keep a prisoner, you have to become like a “watchdog”. You’re not free to go either for if you leave, who’s going to keep your prisoner for you? And think again: would you want to be held captive by someone you’ve injured? Injured animals are dangerous to be around, and so are injured humans who don’t seek help and healing. And to bless. To me, when I bless those who have hurt me, I experience the greatest relief and release in my spirit, soul and body. Words are a powerful force and when we use them for good towards others, not only do they experience something good, so do we. It has been scientifically proven that people with arthritis are full of unforgiveness, deep resentment and bitterness, and when they forgive, release and bless those who hurt them, their bodies release the toxins and pain of that painful dis-ease.
3. Learn. The first thing I’ve learned is that as long as I live and remain among other humans, there will be lifelong opportunities to be hurt by them, some in passing, some in my close relationships, some work-related. And guess what? There will be the same number of opportunities for me to hurt others whether on purpose or inadvertently. Another lesson I am learning is to be more quick to hear and listen than I am to speak, because most infractions can be avoided if we learn to use our two ears more than our one mouth. For once words exit our lips, they cannot be taken back. I often ask myself “is it necessary for me to verbally respond, or would it be better for me to just be quiet?” Will my speaking help, or add something good to the situation, or will my words leave victims in their wake? The Bible in the book of James says the tongue is a fire. Here, I’ll let the apostle say it in his own words, “Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze! And the tongue is a fire.” James 3:5 &6a (Amplified Bible). Remember how the wicked witch threatened the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz? Hmmmm. Don’t play with fire.
4. Be considerate. Treat others the way I would want to be treated. Think about how what I do and say will affect others by thinking about how I would feel if they did it to me.
5. Let love rule. Love does no harm to a neighbor. I Corinthians 13. Once again, this is not being a doormat, so you will just have to read this love chapter to see what (and Who) love really is. Love is not sappy and syrupy. Love is not a bisous and it is not a song or a flower. Love is stronger than that. It is not an emotion, for emotions change. There is human love – phileo, eros, and storge. And there is Divine Love = Perfect Love = God – Agape. It is not affected by who and what we are or what we do. It is not controlled by our emotions, words or deeds. It is the most powerful force in the universe and one must receive God into his/her heart in order for this Agape to become a reality within and through one’s life. Period.

I am sure you can add to this list from your own life experiences, and you know like I know that it is not always easy to pat your head and rub your stomach and chew gum and walk backwards all at the same time. J But once we begin to slow down our roll i.e. our thoughts and words and the speed with which we share information and respond to incoming missiles from others, we can decrease the number of casualties in society from becoming bruised souls, for what goes around indeed comes around and we reap what we sow. But maybe this sowing and reaping principle will open our eyes even wider when explained this way: when we sow a seed, it is not a seed that we reap. No, instead we reap a tree (or some other plant) with fruit which contain more seeds with the potential for more trees and fruit, and so on. And don’t forget, unless we cut down the trees after the first season of fruit-bearing, they will bear fruit again, and again and again.

Do we really want to reap the words and deeds we sow into the lives of others? Do we really want a return (compound interest style) on our “investment”? Do we really want to be bruised as we have bruised others? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Anyhoooo . . .

Peace.