Living From the Inside Out Part II: The Art of Learning

I love learning, new things, a new twist on old things, new concepts, new dimensions. Learning new things doesn’t mean I have to agree with everyone or everything; just be willing to see, hear and consider what I’ve not seen and heard before. I can still always say “no”. I love receiving incoming missiles of new information and revelation that can be used for practical living, and just for fun too. I agree that a mind is a terrible thing to waste (and so is time). When I returned to school to study psychology I loved having more to do than I could handle. I’d rather have a plate with too much food than not enough for guess what? I could always take a doggie bag and munch again later. J This is how I feel about learning. Surround me with books and information and I can munch on them forever.

Learning is not to be confused with memorizing. Even though I believe in memorization, I don’t live by it. For me and to me memorizing information is only temporary and lasts for a short amount of time. For instance, one subject we studied in high school was “government”. Well, I’m not a very political person, don’t like politics nor the spirit of politicians. But I know that if I am going to become a well-rounded person I need to break through many of the topics I don’t like, and decide to learn about them and identify what I dislike about them as well as how they apply to real people and ordinary living. Or is that ordinary people and real living? Hmmmm.

Back to the government class – I managed to finish the class at the end of my senior year with five A’s and one B for the entire year. I recall studying for the tests the day and night before taking them, and the morning of. I would go to school hours early, and thank God that my government class was the first class of the day, and I would polish up on everything. Then I would go in and ace the tests. But if you asked me a day or two later what many of the topics meant that were on the test and how they could benefit me and others even now, I must be honest and tell you I don’t have much to say. Why not? Because all I did was memorize the information. I did not try to learn it for understanding and application to life. It was not my “favorite” topic even though the teacher was great and I had great classmates too. (My favorite class was band. J But not for this blog space.)

Hmmmmm again. Five m’s this time. Memorization comes in handy when you need to ingest and retain information right away and for short-term situations. But if you want the incomings (I love the lingo of military, police and sci fi movies) to stick to your bones (not my thighs please) so you may be able to use the information again and again in the future, then this is where learning comes in.

For instance, when I’m trying to learn new songs I will write out the lyrics so I can see them – take a photo of them with my eyes so they can be downloaded to my brain as a photograph. I also read them aloud to myself without the music and learn the story in the lyrics. I then study the song to try to understand from where the writer is coming, and to try and relate to him or her. I try to establish a relationship with the song through the lyrics as well as the music, but also the writer. I invest time and concerted effort into the song.

Now I don’t want to have a long-term relationship with every song I may sing because sometimes I’m asked to sing songs that on the surface seem to be “okay” but the spirit behind the artist singing and marketing the song is of such that I don’t want to become intimate with. So I relegate that song to be memorized and not learned. I may wait for the last possible minute to work on it, or I may carry it around on paper even to the performance so I may deliver it well, but when the performance is over, so is my relationship to the song. Memorization is for short-term relationships while learning is for life-long ones, in my opinion. (After all, this is my blog. Thanks for reminding me.)

There are so many methods for learning, and I enjoy learning new methods for learning too. This keeps me on my toes and keeps life exciting. Subjects that intimidated me in school as a youngster now appeal to me because I see from a distance cognitively, and up close and personal experientially that I will benefit from them the more I know. For instance, marketing and economics (Econ is what my fellow geeks in school would call it). Now I must understand these topics in order to understand why some products do well in certain geographical regions and not at all in others. Also investing and investments. Ugh! But hey, I know when the compound interest begins to roll the dice in my favor, I will be glad I invested (pun intended) my resources. Anyhoooo . . .

To put in my time and money (especially when it comes to attending a university for instance, or other learning institution) means I am serious about what I’m uh . . . learning. Education is too expensive just to relegate to the top half of the brain through memorization. Aren’t you glad that your doctor, lawyer, firefighter, and other serious public servants are required to put in the time and energy to LEARN rather than just memorize information?

While studying to become a nurse, we worked with cadavers. Yeah, cold dead peoples' bodies. We had to learn all the organs and veins and arteries, what they did, to what they were connected, abnormalities, why they happened and so on and on. It was so much information to learn in such a short amount of time that I burned out with the cooking. J I knew that I needed to learn the information and why I needed to learn it and that it would benefit me later in life for life . . . but I was tired of learning something I was not excited about learning. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy learning and understanding how the body works etc. but at that level, I don’t think that’s what I need to know in order to do what I desire to do, now that I know what I desire to do (“to thine own self be true” means you must put in some time learning YOU).

You see, the fun part of learning, (can you say “art class”?) is learning information about topics which not only will benefit you for life, but which you enjoy. Like I said before, sometimes it is necessary to learn things that are “boring” but we don’t have to build our lives around learning boring things. We just need to be willing to eat some peas, okra, brussel sprouts and other fibrous green veggies that we hated as children, in order to nourish our bodies in a healthy way. Boring but important subjects would fall into the category of “vegetables I hated as a child”. LOL!! Yes, like politics. They’re not going to go away and we will be affected by what we know and don’t know. (Ignorance is not bliss. We need to know what a “Stop Sign” means so the end of our life will not come when we’ve only just begun.) It’s just how will we be affected and what will we be equipped to do about “it” when the rubber meets the road and stuff starts to hit the fan?

The art of learning has within itself the willingness to be stretched beyond one’s current capabilities to embrace new experiences and the willingness to change one’s mentality to accommodate the presence of new information as a reality, and not just as abstract principles on paper (or the computer screen). To be willing to let go of the “old” to receive the new, especially when the old has already fulfilled its purpose and it’s expiration date has come and gone. When we learn something, we never lose its benefits no matter how old the lesson(s). Au contraire. Instead we build upon it, and it makes room for new learning. We mature through it , because of it, and by it.

Sure enough the art of learning does involve change and if we are afraid of change, then more than likely we may not be having much real fun in life. I have never been one who could draw beautiful pictures, but I do love colors, crayons, magic markers, paint etc. I loved finger painting because I didn’t have to explain what I was creating. Because I did not know. LOL!! I loved it when the art teacher would change us from one form of art expression to another for it allowed me to investigate what was hidden inside of me that I enjoyed and would be willing to become vulnerable to expose to the world. Of course children laugh at what they don’t understand, but you know what? It doesn’t matter. We are no longer children, but laughter is good for the soul and body. (Learn to laugh at yourself, in a nice and healthy way.) Change is a part of the art of learning which enables us to move from what we’re not comfortable doing to what we finally discover to be our niche.

Learning has so many colors. Maybe you learn best by seeing, your cousin learns best by hearing, and your aunt learns best by touching. It doesn’t matter how you learn, it just matters that you keep an open mind and a willing heart to learn and to use different methods for learning. Repetition is a part of learning too, but some people say they only need to hear or see something one time, and they believe they “have it”. That’s cool too. Whatever floats your boat, but just don’t ask me to believe that you will make a good doctor, for I would prefer that you take a second and a third look before making certain decisions, and incisions. J

Some of my favorite Bible verses are found in the book of Proverbs: “Get skillful and godly Wisdom, get understanding (discernment, comprehension, and interpretation); do not forget and do not turn back from the words of my mouth. Forsake not [Wisdom], and she will keep, defend, and protect you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of Wisdom is: get Wisdom (skillful and godly Wisdom)! [For skillful and godly Wisdom is the principal thing.] And with all you have gotten, get understanding (discernment, comprehension, and interpretation).” (Proverbs 4:5-7) [Amplified Bible] ((Pretty repetitive isn't that one?) Some people believe that if you speak about verses from the Bible that they only apply to things connected to the church, but this is not so. The God of the Bible created the universe and all knowledge and wisdom originates with Him. He knows marketing and economics, nursing and psychology better than all of us. Wall Street has nothing on Him (“Can’t touch this”!). He is our sea and wealth of knowledge and understanding. Wisdom was with Him when He created the world, so if we want to learn anything well that we learn, we need to consult the Greatest Teacher and Artist in the universe.

The artwork our Creator has given to us is for our living and for our enjoyment, and its purpose is for us to spend time learning Who He is and how much He loves us. The art of listening is to aid us in the art of learning, and the art of learning is for the art of living. Listen well, learn well. Learn well, live will. Stay tuned for part three: The Art of Living.

Peace.

Living From the Inside Out Part I: The Art of Listening

A while back I wrote a blog topic about hearing and listening, communicating effectively with each other. For some reason I cannot seem to get away from this topic, and maybe it’s because every day of our lives we hear and listen (maybe), we speak and do, we communicate with others which requires that someone listens while the other one speaks.

While studying to become a psychologist I enrolled in a course titled “Techniques in Counseling”. This course was all about learning how to listen, and therefore we spent a lot of the time playacting to demonstrate good and bad listening skills. The best counselors are the best listeners, and it is probable that the best listeners can be great counselors. Maybe it should have been called a communications course, but that term is used differently in our contemporary times to describe interacting with others through the media and internet etc. What did we learn? Well, I wish everyone on God’s green earth could take a course like this one, or at least have a professor like the one we had.

We learned that to really be able to help others we first needed to hear what they are NOT saying as well as what they ARE saying. This required that we stop talking period, even in our own minds, so we could be THERE fully with the person, not trying to complete their sentences, not trying to tell them what they feel and mean, not trying to rush them along so we could fix their problems with our analyses. We learned that if ideas come to your mind while the other person is speaking, don’t interrupt them for you are the listener now. Respect them enough to allow them to finish their thoughts all the way through, no matter how long it may take for it’s THEIR story and their problem. Discreetly write your thoughts on a piece of paper in a few words so you may bring them up later, for maybe, just maybe if you let the speaker talk long enough, they may cover what you are thinking, for guess what? Counseling is 95% listening and 5% speaking. J So, if you don’t like to listen to others, and the only person you want to hear talk is yourself, then you need to become a stand-up comedian. But eventually you will want to know why no one is laughing when you’re speaking, or why are they laughing behind their hands with smirks in their eyes and faces, instead of laughing WITH you. Hmmmm. Maybe it’s time to do more listening than talking eh?

Can you hear me now? Can I hear you? Usually when we ask these questions we’re asking how good is the reception of our method of communicating like when talking through the telephone, walkie-talkie, or even through the computer. (Can you say “skype”? LOL!) When we go to a hearing specialist it is to test how well we can hear with our ears, how well is sound landing on the auditory organs in our head. Are we experiencing any blockages to sound? However, when we ask “are you listening?” we are asking a much deeper question. We are asking not only can you hear and understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, but do you understand what I mean? Do you understand where I’m coming from? (Ended that sentence in a preposition; But that’s the most popular way to ask that question n’est ce pas?) In order to understand where you’re coming from, I must learn the art of listening.

The catalyst that propelled me in this direction of thought this week is a popular verse of scripture in the Christian Holy Bible. I have heard it quoted and toted and I’ve even noted it and wrote it a zillion times; everyone helping the speaker to finish the sentence because we all “know” this verse so well. So many things in life are just like that: so popular, so natural and normal to everyone that we assume that we and everyone else truly understand what it means. But for my own life, (and I can say by observation that I am not the only one who has suffered from this same malaise) I must be honest to confess that I did not truly “understand” at the heart level what this scripture is truly saying, and thus what it really means. I struggled to live it according to the understanding I have had all these years of the English words used to translate this particular verse (as well as many others), just to end up in the land of frustration again and again, wondering why I’m not seeing and experiencing the desired changes for myself. Oh, I’ve not yet spilled the beans yet have I? Okay, here it is, found in the Old Testament book of Proverbs: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7a, Amplified Bible). Hmmm, notice that the writer, King Solomon, the wisest man who has ever lived, did not say “For as he thinks in his mind. . .” neither did he write “For as he feels in his heart. . .” He said “For as he THINKS in his heart.” (This includes ladies too. We have not been left out, not by God anyway.) Very interesting. So exactly what IS he saying to us?

Well first of all, for the first time in all these years of reading this verse out of context, I decided to read it in its context to get all the meat and fat and skin on the chicken this time, and I was taught in my pastoral classes and other Bible courses that you must consider the verses around (before and after) the one verse you are studying – at least one complete verse (and if that verse is an incomplete thought, meaning it doesn’t end with a period, you must back up some more – or advance until you get to the first completed verse. This is how we keep Bible verses in their context and cut down on much confusion.). So let’s do that because I found the context of this verse also enlightening and very meaty for another blog topic. Yep! J

Proverbs 23:6-8 (Amplified Bible): “Eat not the bread of him (or her) who has a hard, grudging, and envious eye, neither desire his (her) dainty foods; For as he (she) thinks in his (her) heart, so is he (she). As one who reckons, he (she) says to you, eat and drink, yet his heart is not with you [but is grudging the cost]. The morsel which you have eaten you will vomit up, and your complimentary words will be wasted.” Ooooh, this is cutting like a knife. Can you imagine being close to someone who really is jealous, envious, angry and holding grudges against you, yet who invites you to eat in their home time and again? But because your heart is not like that, you in your naïvete continue to fellowship with this person because your thoughts are pure and loving towards this person. Hmmm, so our focal statement of Proverbs 23:7a is true for both sides: “For as he (she) thinks in his heart, so is he (she).” I found it necessary and a lot of fun to do a word search so I could understand at least two words: “thinks”, “heart”, and “is”. Oh my bad, that’s three words. J See what I’m saying.

From the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, the word “thinketh” (as recorded in the King James Version of the Bible, the basis for Strong’s) is from the Hebrew word (#8176) “sha’ar”, pronounced shaw-ar’ meaning: from a primitive root to split or open; to act as gatekeeper; to estimate – think. An opening, door or gate. Oh my goodness. At first glance these words to describe and define “thinks” don’t seem to make sense, but then if we realize that the original translation of Aramaic and Hebrew words are pictures/symbols, then maybe we can get clarity. We tend to think of “thinking” (no pun intended) to be the job description of the mind, but this verse is attributing it to the heart and is equating “thinking” to be a door, a gatekeeper. Which may be saying to us that what gets into our hearts through the gate, the doorway i.e. our thoughts, is what we become. It reminds me of the adage “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”. Well the thoughts that rock our hearts rule our world/our lives.” Whoa Sally! Hmmmm.

The word “heart” is from the Hebrew word (#5315) “nephesh”, pronounced neh’fesh meaning: a breathing creature, i.e. animal or vitality; in a figurative sense (bodily or mental) – any appetite, beast, body, breath, creature, mind, soul. To breathe. Hmmmm again with four m’s this time. It seems that Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived is trying to tell us something very important, that our “heart” is our life, our very breath, existence, our vitality, and he is not referring to the physical beating heart. He is referring to the spirit of the heart, for we know that without a beating heart no creature can live, but only humans have been given a spirit by God. God did not breathe His spirit into the animals and insects, only into humans.

So what I’m getting so far is that the words that enter my ear gates and lodge into my mind as thoughts, and then become beliefs in the heart of my spirit and the spirit of my heart is/are what rocks my world for good or bad. I am ruled by what enters my spirit as facts and truth whether they are lies, or the truth. I therefore AM what I think. “We are what we eat physically” (too much beef can leave us with the rear end of a cow) can be applied to this as well – “we are what we ‘think’ i.e. believe, breathe in.” Our reality is created from the inside out, not from the outside in. Sure, people can cause us problems and people can help us solve our problems, but when the final verdict is in, everything we are comes from within, from our own beliefs and desires. We may live for years adjusting our beliefs and desires to accommodate or imitate those of others, but when the rubber meets the road, we become what’s inside of us. This is why we must be careful what we “breathe in” – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Secondhand cigarette smoke and vehicle emissions are not the only pollutants we must strive to avoid “inhaling”. We must guard the gateways to our hearts for we will look like our thoughts, sound like our thoughts, feel like our thoughts, spend our thoughts, BE our thoughts whether they be conscious thoughts, or residing on the subconscious level of our being.

The art of listening therefore is doing what Solomon’s mother advised her son in this verse of scripture: “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23, Amplified Bible) Again, to keep this in context you need to read the previous verses and the one after this one, but for the sake of time and space (the final frontier) I will just summarize them. Solomon’s mom (also a wise woman) admonished him to pay attention to her advice concerning life issues and to let them guide him through life and in dealing with people. She told him that her advice and the commandments from the Lord would help him to live a healthy life. And when we get to this 23^rd verse I’m reminded of our verse of study above where our “thinking” is the gatekeeper to our very life’s force, for she told Solomon to ‘guard’ his heart. I can see security guards and bouncers and the guards of Queen Elizabeth’s palace standing around my heart to help me keep out all unsavory characters. Because I “is”, the third word in our study, what I think. This is a continual verb (and noun? hmmm), not one of a “has been”. It means that I am continuing to be whatever is playing at the theater of my heart. The only way to change the movie is to change my beliefs, and the only way to change my beliefs is to change my thoughts, and the only way to change my thoughts is to change what I am hearing and how I am hearing – mastering the art of listening.

If we want to live a healthy life, we cannot spend our time with those who have grudges against us for any reason, real or imagined, for if they have these “thoughts” and beliefs about us, then their actions will soon match their thoughts. Scary isn’t it? We cannot continue feeding ourselves information which disagrees with our values. We cannot leave ourselves empty waiting for others to fill us with what they want us to hear, do and be. We must open our “doors” (our thinking) only to whatever is “true, . . . worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, . . . just, . . . pure, . . . lovely and lovable, . . . kind and winsome and gracious, . . . virtuous and excellent, . . . praiseworthy . . .” (Philippians 4:8, Amplified Bible). (Please read this verse in its context when you have time. Philippians 4:6-9. It will be well worth your time.) We must master the art of listening – hearing not just with our ears but with our minds and hearts, so we may discern well whether what we are being fed is “food” fit for a king. See you soon for part II: The Art of Learning.

Peace.

. . . But Are You Listening?

I find myself watching television for the commercials. In the past I had a tv guide so I knew when my favorite shows aired and I could plan my viewing time each evening, but it’s a little more challenging for me now since I’m watching French television. Did you know that their shows rarely begin on the hour at the top or bottom of the hour? Instead they begin at 1840h or 2010h, and yes military time is the norm here. J

One of my favorite commercials in the states was, and is the one about cellular or mobile (depending on which continent you’re on) phones, how better one company is than the others because the reception is acute no matter how far you are away from the one calling you, and vice versus or is it versa? (Who created that confusing expression?) In the commercial the man would ask “Can you hear me now?” and then he would change his location and repeat the question, demonstrating to us that we needed not only that particular telephone, but especially service with that particular phone company. We all can relate to black outs and crackling noises and “I can’t hear you, you’re breaking up!” and looking at our cell phones to see how many bars we have, or for novices, just wondering what the heck is wrong with our phone. J The more bars we saw the better the reception in that particular location. (Took me a minute to learn this.) Oh you too?

Can you hear me now? LOL!! Try talking on the metro with people around you talking loudly and babies crying and the whirring of the train and screeching on the tracks and you’re in the middle of a good conversation and then . . . nothing. You look at your phone just to see zero bars and you’re going through a tunnel. Your connection is lost, but your neighbor is still talking on her phone. How can that be? Anyhoooo. I can hear you now. J

Let’s take it a step further, or is it farther? in another direction. Many times we ask “can you hear me now?” and the answer is “yes, I can hear you.” But as the conversation unfolds we feel like we’re on different trains, not only on different tracks (thank God! Whew.), but in different worlds entirely. You feel like asking a second question, “but are you listening?” Hmmmmm. Five m’s that time. (Don’t know if I’ve ever done five m’s. Oh yes, when I was in love with M & M’s I did more than five. You did too!) You know, those times when you’re telling your story and your listener thinks they know YOUR story better than you do, so they try to finish it for you, or just continue interrupting you with what they think you’re going to say next. They’re not really with you, and they weren't there but . . . You also know those times when you’re speaking and making a point and the other person makes the same point but more ASSERTIVELY and as you do LISTEN to them you realize they just repeated what you said as if you didn’t say it, as if they knew something you didn’t know, again about your own story. Ahuh. Oh, and the other one is from those who are really honest okay. “Oh, what did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

Okay, from spending some time in biology, psychology, and chemistry classes and not making straight A’s (just because you make straight A’s doesn’t mean you’re going to remember what you ‘memorized’ at that time, and just because you make/made B’s and C’s and an occasional D, doesn’t mean you will forget everything, nor does it mean you did not learn anything. This is a lesson I’ve learned well. LOL!!) I learned that we hear with our ears, but we listen with our minds/brains. Did you know that? J Hearing is the physical auditory activity of the ear from the outside that looks like a seashell to the inner ear (please do not ask me to tell you all the formal and scientific names of each part and their individual functions. I am not an optometrist! Oh, that’s a person who does eyes isn’t it? J). I can hear you. Cut out the wisecracks. J Anyhoooo, but listening is the processing of what you hear, and that’s done inside the brain/mind where our thoughts are created.

So you see, it is possible, probable and almost a 100 percent definite that most of us who are not physically deaf or hearing-impaired are “hearing” very well, but the reason we are missing each other is because we’re not listening. You're familiar with the cliche "we hear what we want to hear." hmm. Distractions of so many kind – external and internal appear like pop-ups on internet sites when we’re trying to read our favorite stuff. But when they pop-up we don’t just click them off, we instead follow them and are led by our nose to another “web-site”. Can you hear me now? Yeah, but are you listening?

How many times in school were you present 100 percent of the time, but for some reason your grades did not reflect your physical presence in the classroom? An R&B songwriter wrote a song back in the 70s I think in which the hook says “your body’s here with me, but your mind is on the other side of town.” It’s a pretty song, melody and all, but the truth of the lyrics is anything but pretty. Don’t you know, to hear and not listen can get many people killed, especially in the military, or when you’re crossing the street and traffic is flying by. To listen means to pay attention and take to heart – apply to oneself what you’re hearing. It’s more than just sound bouncing off the walls of our cochlea, eardrums and eustacean (forgot how to spell it, but I know it's not crustacean) tubes. You can help me in the comments section below.

God had the same complaint about the Hebrew children. He told them, "sure, you’re reading My Word and Words out loud, but you are not taking them into your heart, because if you were you would be healthy – spirit, soul, and body, you wouldn’t continue creating debt because of your impatience to have this or that, you would not be appearing in court for driving drunk and getting caught because you totaled your car, your children would listen to you because they would be doing what you’re doing – uh, yes 'listening to ME'”. Now that’s the Allnthejeans version, but if you are a reader of Old Testament history, especially the first five books, you will see the repetitious mistakes of people like you and me. Oh! :-o So what did God want them (us) to do anyway? He wanted them to first hear with their ears, understand with their minds, and receive with their hearts, and allow His Words to mean so much to them that they would change their ways for the longevity and prosperity of their tribes in a vibrant relationship with Himself, and so they could be an example and blessing to all the other peoples on the earth.

So what does it look like for you to listen to me and me to listen to you? It means that I am here with you in the moment and you have my undivided attention to the point where not only can I repeat what you say, but I can paraphrase to make sure I understand what you mean. I guess we’re talking about communication aren’t we? Something upon which our very lives are hinged.

Since being here in France many people have asked me do I always understand what French people say to me, and I have to answer truthfully “no”. And there are several reasons for that. One is, hmmmm what is “I’m American for 400 Alex?” LOL!! Just kidding. Anyhooo, sometimes they talk too fast. I’m still learning the language and it helps when speakers speak more slowly. This increases the likelihood that I will understand what is being said. But sometimes, it’s because I’m just not listening and this is also sometimes my reply. I’m not listening because the conversation doesn’t concern me, or my mind is on the other side of town, or on another continent, or just on other things. But when I concentrate and focus on the speakers, I’m making the effort to not only hear their words, but the phrases so I can follow the storyline of their conversation or monologue. This takes effort – reading lips and listening for words that mélange together versus being one word. Or for instance, in school I learned that “vous” is the formal and plural noun for “you”, and “tu” is the singular and informal noun for "you". (In English we just have "you". So who's more confused?) When I came to France people were saying “toi” but I thought they were saying the number three which is “trois”, which is pronounced similarly. But as I followed the conversation, the number three did not make sense, so one day I decided to cease living in this world of ignorance and reveal my lack of understanding. When I was told what the deal was and is, it is this: "toi" is the singular, informal and more laidback version of the noun “you” and it is used mostly between family and close friends. That was not an example of melanging words, but one in which I had to really concentrate to understand not only what I was HEARING, but what it meant within the context of the conversation. I had to submit my entire being to the conversation if I wanted to understand what I was hearing. Can you hear me now?

Are you listening? If not, then why are we here? If we’re not going to listen as well as speak, why are we “here”? Yes, it is more important to be understood than heard, for everybody is making quite a bit of noise, but not everyone is making good sense and therefore not communicating well. And what about the children? We can HEAR them all around us making all kinds of sounds, but do we know what their sounds mean? Are we listening to them to SEE what they’re really MEANING? “Mommy, you’re not listening.” “Daddy, did you hear what I said?” “But that’s not what I meant.”

When we seek to be understood and not just heard, we will speak with our audience in mind and not just our own voice in our ears. We will watch their facial expressions and their eyes and realize either “they’re with me” or “they’re not getting a word I’m saying.” And we’ll make the necessary adjustments. When it’s more important to us to understand than just to hear, we will treat the speaker the way we want to be treated when the microphone is in our hands. Can you hear me now?

Oui!! J’ai t’entendu, et j’ai t’ecoute bien!!

Peace.