New Glasses

It had been seven years since my last visit to the eye doctor yet my glasses were keeping it together, if you can call having to check the tiny screws weekly and constantly squeezing the frames around the lens “keeping it together.”  I knew I needed to buy new glasses not only because a visit was long overdue, and not only because an optometrist’s machine revealed that my prescription was no longer sufficient for my eyes, but because while singing in a concert last winter, an inebriated man from the audience came up onto the stage and walked on those glasses.  Yes, right while we were singing “Oh Happy Day.”  Everyone saw him do it and followed my eyes and expression to the floor where my twisted glasses lay.

I was not ready to buy glasses for several reasons, but I knew I would have to change that song and dance sooner than later.  Why were my glasses on the floor anyway?  They were beside my setlist and towel minding their own business as usual, beside the microphone stand.  It was the drunk man who was out of place where he should not have been.  Anyhoooo, my singers and I had a wonderful evening together on and off the stage that night and we refused to allow this incident to spoil our evening.  I reshaped my glasses as well as I could and replaced the lens, tightening the screws again so I could “get back to normal.”  But after that night, I never saw the world the same way again. :-)

Finally, nine months later I visited an ophthalmologist who said I have the head and face of a gospel singer.  Then he asked me “what do you do?”  I said “I am a gospel singer, etc.” :-)  When he tested my glasses and eyes he said, in French “they are finished” LOL!  Who knew? :-)  Afterwards I crossed the street to the optometrist to choose some new glasses.  Buy one get one free!!  I was in heaven, so I bought two pair and got two more free.  I was determined not to be left in a situation where I could not see well because of a freak mishap.

The doctor told me what I already knew:  I need glasses to see far away, not for up close or for reading.  And I notice that when I bring anything too close to my face I cannot “see it” – it goes out of focus.  I recall having to learn the different conditions of the eyes in school, but I cannot recall the name of this second phenomenon.  The first one of course is called “nearsightedness.”  I need help seeing “far away” with clarity.  Hmmm.

 This new encounter with my eyes at this time in my life led to another discovery about myself.  Maybe you might see also what I m saying – the words that are coming out of my mouth. :-)  What we do in our environment and world is a manifestation of what we are doing inside – our inner world.  Grant it, I do know that we don’t always do everything we think, imagine, desire, or fantasize about doing, yet because the potential to “do” is great once it becomes a thought, this makes our minds the most powerful places on the planet apart from God Himself.

What was my discovery?  My physical eyes are nearsighted and reflect the same problem I have with my spiritual eyes.  I have no problem seeing, and thus believing for those things which are not too far away, in the future – say tomorrow or even a couple of months away.  I have no problem believing for things which have a date and time for that places a “cap” or ceiling upon the expected event.  However, I need “glasses” for my spiritual eyes, just like for my physical eyes in order to “see” (believe) for those things in life which have no set date or time.  They are open-ended, meaning we have no idea when they will happen, and as time continues to pass with no guardrails or other guides, no stop lights, etc. like a neverending ribbon of road through the desert (and you can no longer see where you started, so you cannot return to that place, no turning back), no modern truck stops in sight and no vacant houses for you to move into, you begin to wonder if those things will ever happen at all.  There seems to be no “accountability” for and to those events with an open-ended time table.

So I struggle to believe for God’s promises when year after year, and now even a couple of decades pass with no evidence appearing, no extra terrestrial or celestial visitations, no close encounters of the third to fifth power happening out in the middle of my desert experiences.  This is not to give the impression that absolutement rien est passé.  Pas du tout, parce que everyday something is happening, whether I can see it or not.  I do know that I myself am changing.

This brings me to another situation I’d like to delicately share.  In the context of “I am changing” it is all happening because of Jesus Christ, the Son of God living in and living through me.  He’s no longer a baby in a manger, even though every year when we celebrate His birth we tend to return to the manger to do so.  I’m not saying this is a bad thing, for to remember one’s beginnings can result in present revelations for life transformations.  However, many people knowingly and unknowingly put Jesus (and themselves) back into that manger and swaddling cloths every year, and some even live as though He is the baby needing them to take care of Him.  Do you pull out pictures of yourself in your baby crib every year that you celebrate your birthday?  Do you revisit the hospital where you were born and set up candles and a vigil?  :-)

But back to my “seeing” situation.  Because of Jesus’ great love for and towards me – I am changing from the inside out.  Jesus is doing in me phenomenal things I did not know I needed to be done.  For me this is resulting in a deeper love for Him which I can only describe with the words I have to express.  Having done this in mixed company I have caused others to experience discomfort because their experience with Jesus Christ has not reached that depth.  It’s like taking someone deep-sea diving when they’ve never learned to swim in four feet of water.  They are offended (afraid).  When I learned that others were offended at how I express the depth of my love for Jesus, that they brought it down to a flesh and blood carnal place where it was never conceived, I was hurt.  At first.  :-)  But then I realized that I am in good company for there was also another woman who semi-publicly/privately expressed her gratitude upon Jesus who also was misunderstood and judged by religious folk.  And of her, Jesus said that she would be remembered on this earth forever.  He was not ashamed to connect and couple Himself, His life, His reputation and name with this low-life trailer trash of a woman.  He graciously accepted, received, embraced and adored her only gift of love – lavish affection and the “undressing” of herself and life upon Him, because He knew that she knew from what depths of depravity He had saved, delivered, healed and restored her.

I too know and understand the depth Jesus went to save, deliver, heal and restore me, but only to the depth of my experience, which in itself is great.  I cannot possibly know by experience the depth of death, hell and the grave Jesus went down into to save just one person – ME.  Let alone the darkness of separation from the Father He experienced on the cross to save all of humanity for all time - spirit, soul and body.  But when I meditate upon Him and His greatness and wonderful love, I am reduced to blubber :-) and my desire to love Him back goes deep, down beyond myself to the point where I desire to surrender my entire self to Him.

See, to and for me this is a miracle because I have lived all of my life trying to please God according to what I knew.  And because I’ve lived all of my life in the church I believed that I had given all of myself to the Lord, the church and ministry have guided my life’s choices, therefore I did not believe or realize that I had much to be saved, healed, and delivered from.  I thought I was “okay” and ready to experience all of my dreams and desires, and all God has for me.  It has taken the past 11 years, little by little, line upon line for God to peel me like an onion to reveal what was well hidden within this person called “me”, even from myself.  It is thus very true that we do not know ourselves as we are known by the Lord.

At the beginning of this 11 year voyage the Lord showed me in a vision His pursuit of me.  He revealed to me what He would do from “on the outside” (what turned out to also be an 'inside job', good grief!) – the before and after, but I had no idea “how” it would happen, neither how long it would take.  I had no idea what I would experience internally or externally as Jesus pursued me to make me His own.  The tears and fears, the emotional highs and lows, the depression of being emptied out of everything I am and knew myself to be, and of everything I had in this life . . .  Even if I could tell you all, unless and until you experience it for yourself you could not appreciate the depth of God’s love for and towards ME.  Therefore, it is possible that you too would be offended by my descriptions and expressions of deep love for Jesus.

I learned through my recent eye doctor’s visit and acquisition of new glasses (les lunettes en Francais) that there was nothing wrong with the appearance(s) of people and things around me.  Red was red and green was green.  The problem with seeing was coming from within me, my eyes – the way they were processing what was falling onto the retinas, corneas, and other eye parts and how my brain was processing them.  So the world around me didn’t need glasses, but I did.  As I shared my new-found deep love for Jesus Christ to other close friends they said to me “there is nothing wrong with how you are expressing YOUR love relationship and experience with God, for it is yours.  When others 'hear' your descriptions they process them according to the definitions/understanding of those words already registered in their lives and experiences.  And because their experiences do not have the same depth and dimension as yours they are offended by yours, because they cannot relate to you.  It doesn’t make theirs wrong either, but it limits your [talking about me/mine] ability to share the depth of your love for Jesus, and/or it limits how much you can share, and with whom you can share it.  It also exposes them to the discomfort that they themselves have not experienced Jesus at that depth for it’s probable that they suffer under the spirits of religion, traditions, and legalism, just like the Pharisees, Sadducees and the disciples who witnessed the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her perfume, hair and tears.” (Whew, what a long sentence that was.)

So I must be more careful in front of whom I undress myself upon the Lord, for I’m sure to offend at least one person who “thinks” they’re in love with Jesus too.  What about you?  How do you see those around you who are different from you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, financially, etc.?  When you hear others describe their life experiences with the language they speak, know, and understand do you judge and criticize them?  Do you regard them through your own experiences or lack of?  Or do you admire them for their courage to endure; their courage to bare their souls and lives to critical people like . . . you?

It takes courage to take down your “hair” in public, to reveal your deepest thoughts and feelings to others.  It also takes humility and trust.  So the next time you find yourself as one who is hearing the intimate details of someone’s life, remember that they are trusting you, humbling themselves at your feet.  It is not a moment to criticize, judge or become offended, but instead it is an opportunity to become inspired, energized, encouraged to endure.  And when it comes to loving Jesus the Christ, it is a moment for introspection – “Do I really love Jesus that deeply?  Have I truly given Him ALL of me with no clothes on?”  Hmmmm.  Now, what did your eyes just see?

Peace.

Living From the Inside Out Part I: The Art of Listening

A while back I wrote a blog topic about hearing and listening, communicating effectively with each other. For some reason I cannot seem to get away from this topic, and maybe it’s because every day of our lives we hear and listen (maybe), we speak and do, we communicate with others which requires that someone listens while the other one speaks.

While studying to become a psychologist I enrolled in a course titled “Techniques in Counseling”. This course was all about learning how to listen, and therefore we spent a lot of the time playacting to demonstrate good and bad listening skills. The best counselors are the best listeners, and it is probable that the best listeners can be great counselors. Maybe it should have been called a communications course, but that term is used differently in our contemporary times to describe interacting with others through the media and internet etc. What did we learn? Well, I wish everyone on God’s green earth could take a course like this one, or at least have a professor like the one we had.

We learned that to really be able to help others we first needed to hear what they are NOT saying as well as what they ARE saying. This required that we stop talking period, even in our own minds, so we could be THERE fully with the person, not trying to complete their sentences, not trying to tell them what they feel and mean, not trying to rush them along so we could fix their problems with our analyses. We learned that if ideas come to your mind while the other person is speaking, don’t interrupt them for you are the listener now. Respect them enough to allow them to finish their thoughts all the way through, no matter how long it may take for it’s THEIR story and their problem. Discreetly write your thoughts on a piece of paper in a few words so you may bring them up later, for maybe, just maybe if you let the speaker talk long enough, they may cover what you are thinking, for guess what? Counseling is 95% listening and 5% speaking. J So, if you don’t like to listen to others, and the only person you want to hear talk is yourself, then you need to become a stand-up comedian. But eventually you will want to know why no one is laughing when you’re speaking, or why are they laughing behind their hands with smirks in their eyes and faces, instead of laughing WITH you. Hmmmm. Maybe it’s time to do more listening than talking eh?

Can you hear me now? Can I hear you? Usually when we ask these questions we’re asking how good is the reception of our method of communicating like when talking through the telephone, walkie-talkie, or even through the computer. (Can you say “skype”? LOL!) When we go to a hearing specialist it is to test how well we can hear with our ears, how well is sound landing on the auditory organs in our head. Are we experiencing any blockages to sound? However, when we ask “are you listening?” we are asking a much deeper question. We are asking not only can you hear and understand the words that are coming out of my mouth, but do you understand what I mean? Do you understand where I’m coming from? (Ended that sentence in a preposition; But that’s the most popular way to ask that question n’est ce pas?) In order to understand where you’re coming from, I must learn the art of listening.

The catalyst that propelled me in this direction of thought this week is a popular verse of scripture in the Christian Holy Bible. I have heard it quoted and toted and I’ve even noted it and wrote it a zillion times; everyone helping the speaker to finish the sentence because we all “know” this verse so well. So many things in life are just like that: so popular, so natural and normal to everyone that we assume that we and everyone else truly understand what it means. But for my own life, (and I can say by observation that I am not the only one who has suffered from this same malaise) I must be honest to confess that I did not truly “understand” at the heart level what this scripture is truly saying, and thus what it really means. I struggled to live it according to the understanding I have had all these years of the English words used to translate this particular verse (as well as many others), just to end up in the land of frustration again and again, wondering why I’m not seeing and experiencing the desired changes for myself. Oh, I’ve not yet spilled the beans yet have I? Okay, here it is, found in the Old Testament book of Proverbs: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7a, Amplified Bible). Hmmm, notice that the writer, King Solomon, the wisest man who has ever lived, did not say “For as he thinks in his mind. . .” neither did he write “For as he feels in his heart. . .” He said “For as he THINKS in his heart.” (This includes ladies too. We have not been left out, not by God anyway.) Very interesting. So exactly what IS he saying to us?

Well first of all, for the first time in all these years of reading this verse out of context, I decided to read it in its context to get all the meat and fat and skin on the chicken this time, and I was taught in my pastoral classes and other Bible courses that you must consider the verses around (before and after) the one verse you are studying – at least one complete verse (and if that verse is an incomplete thought, meaning it doesn’t end with a period, you must back up some more – or advance until you get to the first completed verse. This is how we keep Bible verses in their context and cut down on much confusion.). So let’s do that because I found the context of this verse also enlightening and very meaty for another blog topic. Yep! J

Proverbs 23:6-8 (Amplified Bible): “Eat not the bread of him (or her) who has a hard, grudging, and envious eye, neither desire his (her) dainty foods; For as he (she) thinks in his (her) heart, so is he (she). As one who reckons, he (she) says to you, eat and drink, yet his heart is not with you [but is grudging the cost]. The morsel which you have eaten you will vomit up, and your complimentary words will be wasted.” Ooooh, this is cutting like a knife. Can you imagine being close to someone who really is jealous, envious, angry and holding grudges against you, yet who invites you to eat in their home time and again? But because your heart is not like that, you in your naïvete continue to fellowship with this person because your thoughts are pure and loving towards this person. Hmmm, so our focal statement of Proverbs 23:7a is true for both sides: “For as he (she) thinks in his heart, so is he (she).” I found it necessary and a lot of fun to do a word search so I could understand at least two words: “thinks”, “heart”, and “is”. Oh my bad, that’s three words. J See what I’m saying.

From the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, the word “thinketh” (as recorded in the King James Version of the Bible, the basis for Strong’s) is from the Hebrew word (#8176) “sha’ar”, pronounced shaw-ar’ meaning: from a primitive root to split or open; to act as gatekeeper; to estimate – think. An opening, door or gate. Oh my goodness. At first glance these words to describe and define “thinks” don’t seem to make sense, but then if we realize that the original translation of Aramaic and Hebrew words are pictures/symbols, then maybe we can get clarity. We tend to think of “thinking” (no pun intended) to be the job description of the mind, but this verse is attributing it to the heart and is equating “thinking” to be a door, a gatekeeper. Which may be saying to us that what gets into our hearts through the gate, the doorway i.e. our thoughts, is what we become. It reminds me of the adage “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”. Well the thoughts that rock our hearts rule our world/our lives.” Whoa Sally! Hmmmm.

The word “heart” is from the Hebrew word (#5315) “nephesh”, pronounced neh’fesh meaning: a breathing creature, i.e. animal or vitality; in a figurative sense (bodily or mental) – any appetite, beast, body, breath, creature, mind, soul. To breathe. Hmmmm again with four m’s this time. It seems that Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived is trying to tell us something very important, that our “heart” is our life, our very breath, existence, our vitality, and he is not referring to the physical beating heart. He is referring to the spirit of the heart, for we know that without a beating heart no creature can live, but only humans have been given a spirit by God. God did not breathe His spirit into the animals and insects, only into humans.

So what I’m getting so far is that the words that enter my ear gates and lodge into my mind as thoughts, and then become beliefs in the heart of my spirit and the spirit of my heart is/are what rocks my world for good or bad. I am ruled by what enters my spirit as facts and truth whether they are lies, or the truth. I therefore AM what I think. “We are what we eat physically” (too much beef can leave us with the rear end of a cow) can be applied to this as well – “we are what we ‘think’ i.e. believe, breathe in.” Our reality is created from the inside out, not from the outside in. Sure, people can cause us problems and people can help us solve our problems, but when the final verdict is in, everything we are comes from within, from our own beliefs and desires. We may live for years adjusting our beliefs and desires to accommodate or imitate those of others, but when the rubber meets the road, we become what’s inside of us. This is why we must be careful what we “breathe in” – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Secondhand cigarette smoke and vehicle emissions are not the only pollutants we must strive to avoid “inhaling”. We must guard the gateways to our hearts for we will look like our thoughts, sound like our thoughts, feel like our thoughts, spend our thoughts, BE our thoughts whether they be conscious thoughts, or residing on the subconscious level of our being.

The art of listening therefore is doing what Solomon’s mother advised her son in this verse of scripture: “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23, Amplified Bible) Again, to keep this in context you need to read the previous verses and the one after this one, but for the sake of time and space (the final frontier) I will just summarize them. Solomon’s mom (also a wise woman) admonished him to pay attention to her advice concerning life issues and to let them guide him through life and in dealing with people. She told him that her advice and the commandments from the Lord would help him to live a healthy life. And when we get to this 23^rd verse I’m reminded of our verse of study above where our “thinking” is the gatekeeper to our very life’s force, for she told Solomon to ‘guard’ his heart. I can see security guards and bouncers and the guards of Queen Elizabeth’s palace standing around my heart to help me keep out all unsavory characters. Because I “is”, the third word in our study, what I think. This is a continual verb (and noun? hmmm), not one of a “has been”. It means that I am continuing to be whatever is playing at the theater of my heart. The only way to change the movie is to change my beliefs, and the only way to change my beliefs is to change my thoughts, and the only way to change my thoughts is to change what I am hearing and how I am hearing – mastering the art of listening.

If we want to live a healthy life, we cannot spend our time with those who have grudges against us for any reason, real or imagined, for if they have these “thoughts” and beliefs about us, then their actions will soon match their thoughts. Scary isn’t it? We cannot continue feeding ourselves information which disagrees with our values. We cannot leave ourselves empty waiting for others to fill us with what they want us to hear, do and be. We must open our “doors” (our thinking) only to whatever is “true, . . . worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, . . . just, . . . pure, . . . lovely and lovable, . . . kind and winsome and gracious, . . . virtuous and excellent, . . . praiseworthy . . .” (Philippians 4:8, Amplified Bible). (Please read this verse in its context when you have time. Philippians 4:6-9. It will be well worth your time.) We must master the art of listening – hearing not just with our ears but with our minds and hearts, so we may discern well whether what we are being fed is “food” fit for a king. See you soon for part II: The Art of Learning.

Peace.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Several years ago renowned psychologist and author Dr. James Dobson wrote a book titled “Turn Your Heart Towards Home”. I believe I quoted it correctly. If I can recall well, in the book he admonishes parents, and really people in general to return to what is most important in life, and that is family. He demonstrates through scripture, science, and his years as a counselor, husband and parent that the home is not only the foundation of the family, but of society, and when neglected the entire world suffers and manifests this neglect, one person at a time, but simultaneously.

I’ve been blessed to be born into a very large family and to have cousins galore, some I have yet to meet, but who have contacted me through Facebook. Wow! J I also have yet to be blessed to have a family of my own, something that is very important to me and the desire for which nearly consumed me several years ago. Raising children is not easy. It’s not supposed to be. Neither is being a parent or a child, but we’ve been given the blessing, responsibility and power, desire and drive to propagate the human race through families and within this phenomenon is the nature of God to raise families. It is the most natural and supernatural thing to do.

I started reading the Bible when I was in the third or fourth grade and in Sunday School, Vacation Bible Schools, Youth Conferences and more we participated in Bible Bowls and many other contests to test our growing knowledge of God through the Bible. Because no one wanted to be on the losing team, the anticipation of these large gatherings and contests motivated us to read and memorize scriptures and to conduct contests not just in our local churches, but also sometimes at home. We also played other games like “Clue”, “Uno”, “Go to The Head of The Class”, “Monopoly”, “Dominoes”, “Triominoes” and “Quadrominoes”, “Checkers”. And then my Uncle Lindsey taught me to play “Chess”. That’s when I thought I was smarter than all the other kids my age because I had learned to play (I did not say win yet) the hardest game man has ever devised. LOL!! But anyhooo, one of those Bible verses says “Whatsoever a man (or woman) thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Very interesting, for as a young person I did not understand Bible lingo, but I read it anyway and I tried to make it work in my life to the best of my young ability. I did not know that the heart had a mind and could think. Anyhoooo again, times playing those games around the table with my brothers and parents and other family members were special because we all had our own minds and desires. There were so many of us that it was rare to get us all together at the same time, so when it did happen, I for one did not want it to end. But all good things must eventually come to an end. I just wish that were not so. We also played baseball, kickball, “Red Light, Green Light, One Two Three”, “Simon Says” (and sometimes he didn’t say anything worth hearing or doing), “Jack Rocks”, wrestling, and football in the house when THEY (not me) were not supposed to. ;-) When you think about it, in their own way each game and activity brought us face to face with each other, and sometimes we laughed, other times we were angry and fighting and crying tears over who was right or wrong, or who got injured. But we were still family, and we always came back home.

These are the things going through my heart now during this season of my life. What are the thoughts running through your heart now? What memories, desires, wishes, dreams, goals? Who continues to “live” inside your heart affecting your sleep, habits, decisions, choices, and peace? Not only is home where the heart is, but our heart is home to something(s), and someone(s). J And because they are there, consciously and subconsciously they’re playing a big part in everything we do. This is why it is important for us to know the thoughts of our hearts. What’s happening in that part of ourselves. Who is “living” there. Hmmmm.

Back in the the 70’s (that’s as far back as I can remember. LOL!!) I recall a groovin’ song we loved called “Papa Was a Rolling Stone”. And the hook said: “Papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home.” Now I cannot speak for the adults in my life at that time nor my siblings and cousins who also enjoyed this song, but I recall trying to understand the lyrics which has taken me a long time to do. But anyhooo, I tried to envision a man as a rolling stone. LOL! I was too young to understand what that meant, but now I do, and I see that wherever this “Papa” took off his hat became the place where he “laid” his head and wherever he laid his head became his home, for however long he could exist at that place. In a sense, he was never "Homeless". Now if my interpretation is off or wrong, you can respond below with the correct one or your version of it, but right now this is mine.

You knew that I was eventually going to get analytical about this so here goes. The purpose of a hat is to make you look chic, classy, sexy maybe. Okay, that’s the definition of vanity. LOL! Hats are designed to keep our heads warm in the winter and to shade our eyes from the sunshine in the summer, and they also have logos and designs which describe our beliefs, our teams, parts of our personalities, etc. In other words, a hat can reveal our thoughts. J They are good conversational pieces which can reveal much about a person once you engage him or her in conversation, just about the hat. People do this with dogs and cats, hair styles, clothing, and don’t forget SHOES!! Now you’re walking on my side of the street.

God told the Israelites in the Old Testament (and then again in the New Testament) to be careful what they “put before their eyes” and to be careful what they “listened to with their ears” because these are the gateways to the soul and the heart – the spirit of a person. The things we hear and see affect and shape what we will think, say and do whether we mean to do these things or not. The heart is like a sponge and it can absorb anything, so we must protect it. Now I’m not talking about the physical heart, even though we must protect that too (and it also absorbs whatever we take into our bodies), but the spiritual heart where our affections, love, our desires and will reside. Pain and pleasure shape and affect the condition of our hearts and we must learn how to deal with them adequately so they do not drive and control us.

What’s a girl (and a guy) to do? Well, the best Person for me to consult when I don’t know something is the Lord Himself, and through the pen of King Solomon in Proverbs 4:23 we are told “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” (Amplified) Well, even though I’ve been reading this for many years, I did not always do what it said because I either didn’t remember it, or I just didn’t know it, or I just wanted to see and hear what I wanted to see and hear, just like everybody else. So I continued to watch scary movies like “Carrie”, “Halloween” I,II, III, etc., “Amityville Horror”, “Exorcist”, “The Omen”, and more. I would sneak and watch them as a child when the adults were watching them, when we children should be asleep. I would stand outside the door and peep around the doorjamb as they watched “Rosemary’s Baby”. Ooooh!!! Then I would have horrible dreams at night and wake up crying or screaming, all because I did not guard my heart by guarding my eyes and ears. These images would haunt me throughout the day too for they had made an impression in my mind. I did not learn how to chase them from my mind for many years, but in the interim I would read novels by Barbara Cartland and Harlequin Romance. For a while these stories would intercept the scary movie images, but still they were not “true” or real for me, just a nicer fantasy.

Philippians 4:8 (Amplified) says, “For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and is winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].” So now I know what to do with the thoughts of my heart because I know who lives there. My heart, Christ’s home. It is not always easy to keep out thoughts that don’t fit the above descriptions, but it does mean we have help in guarding our hearts so we can be healthy, wealthy and wise, spirit, soul and body.

Peace.

Romancing the Stone

Do you remember the movie called "Romancing the Stone" starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner? Now usually when I talk about movies I can tell you the plot and some dialogs etc. but this one I cannot. I know they were on an adventure in search of treasure, I guess the title would be the clue – a stone. LOL!! But it was not one of those movies I really paid attention to, no matter how many times they aired it on television. Even here in France! J Anyhooo, this movie title came to me because of a couple of “stones”, and romance.

The first stone was my heart. Yep. I didn’t know my heart was hard because I consider myself a nice person. LOL!! I’ve given away so many things in my short years on this earth, and I’ve ministered to so many, and assisted others in pursuing their dreams and desires and goals. Doesn’t this mean I’m a softy? I’ve given away money when I had it to give and when I didn’t. I’ve lost sleep praying for and crying over people, pleading their cause with God. Surely this means my heart is soft right? I’m not boasting about myself here, but I think if I’m open and honest with you, you may feel comfortable being open and honest with yourself when you look in the mirror. It was not easy swallowing the truth of the state of my heart – my heart has been hard for many years, even as a minister. But how can this be? How did we miss this? How could I not know this about myself? Why didn’t others see this about me, or did I cover it up so well under a lot of . . .? Hmmmm. Four m’s that time.

Oh, yes I’m an avid reader of the Bible and I can show you some scriptures I’ve read for years and I thought “well He’s not talking about me, so He’s not talking TO me”. Yep, ahem. Let’s look at a couple of those now if you don’t mind. The two that seem to stay with me are both found in the Old Testament book written by the prophet Ezekiel, chapter 11:19 in which God says: “And I will give them one heart [a new heart] and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony [unnaturally hardened] heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God],” Why? Verse 20 gives His reason and purpose: “That they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances, and do them, And they shall be My people, and I will be their God.” (Amplified Bible)

Do you ever find yourself repeating yourself to emphasize an important point, or when you feel your audience just didn’t hear or understand you the first time? Well, you can’t get anything past God, for He knew the folk were hard of hearing, and hard-headed, and hard-hearted (you get the word “ear” from the word “heart”. Just fyi.) so He repeated Himself to Ezekiel in chapter 36:26 like this, “A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the STONY heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Again why? Verse 27 gives us His reason and purpose: “And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them.” Have you ever tried to hug a rock? What about kissing one? Making love to one? Talking to one? God did. Romancing the stone.

Now if you and I kiss a rock, nothing is going to happen. If we talk to it, or embrace it, we will see no visible change. We can put it on the shelf and use it as a paperweight, or book ends, and I’m sure artistic folk could carve and draw pictures on it making it interesting artwork for the home, for they do this and make a living doing so. But God was the first one to do it and get more valuable results. He’s the only One Who can romance a stone and get love from it. J Atlas pushed that stone uphill and got muscles, but it didn’t change his love-life. LOL!!

I’m in a season of deep introspection because my life has changed and is changing and I desire to move forward in a certain direction. I thought by moving towards my goal I could get to it quicker, but that doesn’t seem to be the way for one who is in relationship with Jesus Christ. With Him the way up is always down, the way in is always out, and the way out is always through! Now figure that one out. As I said before, I really didn’t think I was hard because I was so “romantic” in my thoughts and desires. But all of us have that somewhere as a potential in our character, but to manifest it is another thing entirely.

Romance is not all physical or sexual, even though within the right context it can be a part of it. Romance begins on the inside, with our thoughts and feelings. It is also intellectual but not in an academic-Wall Street kind of way. But it means that ones mind and knowledge is also involved. Being romantic doesn’t mean one is blind or stupid or ignorant, even though many novels, movies and even real life actions have misrepresented it to be so. Romance is the expression of an intimate relationship with someone we love and with whom/Whom we are in love and Who/who is in love with us. It includes soft eyes and gentle touches, warm conversations and quiet listening, and it involves one-on-one attention and mutual respect. Depending on the relationship it will eventually involve hugs and kisses, and between lovers – preferably husbands and wives, the physical act of sex will be the highest outward expression – the Everest! of this internal, spiritual, and soul-to-soul romantic relationship.

The problem in our world is the lack of understanding of what romance is and is not. Romance is not seduction, or sensual even though the senses are involved, and neither is it manipulation. Romance is not a “what can I get out of this relationship” attitude or pursuit because romance seeks to give. Although romance is not about TAKING, it results in all parties receiving something desired and needed. It focuses more on “what can I give that will help you, comfort you, touch you positively, add health to your well-being, soothe you, move you to become all you can be?” This is romance and what being romantic is all about.

Another problem with our world is how we create boxes and stereotypes for certain words and expressions we fear, and or just don’t understand, and therefore we close off ourselves (and our future generations) from the true life and power within those words and expressions. Those of us raised in certain cultures, like the Black American Pentecostal Church – just to name a few, have shunned the word “romance” because it has been associated and just down-right confused with words like: promiscuity and adultery, incest and molestation, fornication and lust of the sexual kind (oh not gluttony, gossip, criticism, and judgmentalism, - spell check doesn’t like my new word.). No, these are the okay sins. Not on your life!

Without romance our marriages and homes have been like cardboard boxes and we’ve tried to convince ourselves and the world that “Jesus Christ, the Lover of all lovers lives here!!” All of us cardboard people go to church week after week and our churches are just as “boring” and lifeless, because there’s no romance at home. We are unhappy, unfulfilled, secretive because we can’t share our emotions and affections lest they be misinterpreted and misunderstood to mean we’ve become sexually active and adventurous and . . . We’re hurting inside and we have severe personalities and personality disorders because of the structure and restrictions of our environments. We don’t know how to touch and be touched by others without suspecting that they’re trying to take us to bed. We’re afraid to smile or speak softly lest someone think we’re trying to seduce them, their husband or wife, son or daughter, cat or dog, etc. Yes, of course there are some who are doing these things, but not everyone!

The problem with the absence of romance in our lives is that we become hard, and we don’t know we’re hard. We come across as mean, severe and lacking compassion, but for us it’s a normal part of the personality. It’s what we’ve known and have been shaped by. Yet we wonder why so many avoid us after spending private (another suspicious word) quiet (oops, I’m just letting them slip out more and more) time (ah, I think this one’s okay) with us. “What did I do?” “What did I say?” “Why is it difficult for me to make and keep real friends?” And if we have the Lover of all lovers living inside our hearts, why are "Christian" marriages ending in divorce now at a faster rate than non-professing Christians? You research the statistics, or just visit your local church. Or, your house too? Hmmm. A special friend of mine knick-named me T.O.F. = Tongue of Fire because I tend to speak with a lot of heat, especially when I’m passionate (uh oh, another bad word).

Well, since most of these prohibited words describe the character of Jesus the Christ, what are we going to do with Him? The Pharisees' gang tried to throw Him off a cliff! But since that didn't work, they managed to crucify Him on a cross. He was and is so passionate and compassionate, affectionate and personal. He was and is touchy-feely, and He loves to caress and massage and to be caressed and massaged in turn. He’s love-struck and in love. He’s a helpless romantic for romance began with Him. King Solomon wrote the Song of Solomon from spending time with Jesus and in it He describes how Jesus Christ feels about us. Solomon told the Lord, “Look JC, let me put some music and contemporary words to your feelings so the folk can understand fully your heart.” So Solomon took liberties to use elements from his earthly romance with the girl of his dreams, to describe Christ’s pursuit of us.

When we lack romance, we are incomplete. Parents, how did you become parents without romance? Why did you become parents without romance? Sexual desire should start in the brain, not the genitals. God created physical attraction between males and females so we would not be confused and get it twisted by pursuing the animals and the same gender instead. I know, a little TOF (it’s tough, but it’s right. Tight but it’s right.) AND the truth will make us free, not stupid; free to be who and what we were really created to be! Dr. Dolittle said to "talk with the animals", and that's all!

Parents – you must romance your children with boundaries of love. They came from your bodies, but they are not your play toys, nor sexual objects to be abused and exploited, nor are they your servants and slaves. They are the products of a real life romance – first from God to you, then through you to each other as lovers. Marriage is the earthly representation of the romance between our spirit and God Who is Spirit, and children are God’s “reward”, not in the sense of winning a competition, but the epitome of His expression of love to and through us. Love them tenderly and firmly, gently and seriously, emotionally and assertively, attentively and academically, affectionately and authoritatively (not with or by authoritarianism), faithfully and spiritually, and unconditionally. And there are so many –allys – please drive down as many of the positive ones you can and live them with your families. Lead them but don't leave them. We have enough people on the earth who have not been romanced from birth and childhood, but who instead have been mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically raped, seduced, manipulated, molested and almost destroyed because we don’t know who we are, Whose we are, or why we are here.

I suggest that even if you’re not one who reads the Bible of the Christians and Hebrews, that you at least read the Song of Solomon. Read it first with the eyes of Jesus looking back at you, and feel His heartbeat for you and for your life. Cry and laugh with Him, and let His love overwhelm you and melt you inside, transforming your heart into a real heart of love. Let Him romance you and heal the little boy, the little girl in you, the teenager, the young adult, the senior, wherever you are in this life, so you can become a “whole” person – so your latter days will be better than your former.

Then read it again, the Song of Solomon as a man, a woman, married, single or divorced, and allow that part of you to be healed by the pure romantic love of God for you as a vibrant being destined for a great relationship with your earthly spouse. He desires for our relationships to reflect His love on the earth through romance.

Romance is God’s idea. Hustler and Playboy, or Playgirl know nothing about romance. Prostitutes (male and female) know the art of seduction and manipulation, but they know nothing about pure romance, for if they did, the industry would collapse upon itself. For once we’ve tasted true and pure romance, we won’t want to settle for less.

The reason we reach out and touch and give away what is precious to the dogs is because we have not been romanced, and we don’t know how precious we really are. That empty void seeks to be filled and we seek to be FULfilled. Jesus is the Great Romantic and He wrote the book on Romance. Don’t reject Him hoping and looking for somebody or something better, because there is nobody better! (Isaiah 26:3-4) “Jesus asked them, Have you never read in the scriptures: the very stone which the builders rejected and threw away has become the cornerstone; this is the Lord’s doing and it is marvelous in our eyes?” Matthew 21:42. This is the second stone to which I referred in the first paragraph of this short message. J

In this verse Jesus was talking to the chief priests and elders about Himself. Every building has a cornerstone which gives special information – the time and date/era when the building was constructed, and it’s the stone that all the rest of the building is built upon. Romance comes from and rests upon Jesus Christ, and it is the spice of life! To be honest with you, I’m ready for a little romance in my life. What about you? Puts a whole new twist on the phrase “Romancing the Stone” doesn’t it? He loves me, He loves me like a Rock!! He loves me, . . . J

Peace.