To Complete or To Complement?

I don’t know about you but when I see and hear both of these words I get a good feeling inside.  In fact you can spell one by using the letters of the other, but you cannot spell the other with the letters of the first one.  Hmmm. J  Can you see what I’m saying, or do I need to spell it out for you?  Okay I will do it because it’s one of the ways I have fun with words. 

All of the letters you need to spell the word “complete” you find in the word “complement”, but if you want to spell “complement” the word "complete" lacks one letter.  I believe this can be used to support what I want to share with you in this short message:  when we complement one another and/or are complemented by the “life” of another, we then become complete.  But none of us have been equipped, we don’t have everything it takes, to complete anyone else, for that job has not been given to any human being.  We find the completion of ourselves in our Creator, God.

Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31- each of these verses ends the same way:  “And God saw that it was good (fitting, pleasant) and He approved it.” [Amplified Bible]  Verse 27 states, “So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.”  Everything was complete and looking good.  Yet, still in chapter 2 verse 18 this is what happened:  “Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.”  And God made animals and built around the man physical beings, yet verse 20b says “. . . but for Adam there was not found a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.  And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh.  And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.” 

Everything God needed to do what God wanted to do was right there in the Garden and He declared it all to be good and pleasant.  Inside of the man was hidden the very thing or one that could and would complement him for he was already a completed being.  So even though he was humanly alone (but not spiritually alone because God was there, and not physically alone because the animals were there), he was socially alone and this was not good.  That doesn’t mean he was not complete though, for nowhere in the scriptures is it recorded that God left anything incomplete.  For if Adam had been incomplete, he would not have been qualified to be who and what he was, neither to do what God had given him to do:  name the animals, dress the garden, and obey God’s commandment concerning the fruit of the one tree not to be eaten.  So many wonderful things to do in God’s garden and only one thing not to do.  Hmmmm.  Moving on.

When the Creator formed another human from the body of Adam, she also was complete.  God did not create them as incomplete beings needing to be completed by each other.  I know it sounds and feels romantic to say “you complete me” on Valentine’s Day, or in a Brian McKnight song, or in wedding vows on that special day, but really it is not accurate or true.  (You can also spell the word “true” with the letters from the word “accurate”.  Just fyi.)  And neither is it safe.  When people complete each other, what’s really happening is we are depending upon another to fill in the missing pieces of our personality and soul.  In Psychology we call this “codependency”.  God did not create incomplete humans to be codependent upon one another.  (That sentence may be a little redundant, but I think it makes the point clearER.)  This is where we are supposed to laugh a little.  Ahem.

When healthy relationships, whether familial, social, spiritual, corporate, etc. the members are INTERdependent with each other.  But no one can fill in the missing pieces of another person.  To do so would mean we are yielding the power of ourselves to someone else’s control which is called “manipulation” or “I’m your puppet.”  Again, sounds nice or funny in a song, but in reality it is no laughing matter, for we will end up doing what "they" want us to do and vice versus.  Also, there is reverse manipulation in which we use our weaknesses to move others to control us.  (So who’s really doing the manipulating here?)  People who don’t want to take responsibility for their own lives gladly yield themselves to strong-willed people, and hide behind their strengths and decisions for their lives.  One could call this a “toxic” relationship for it is poisonous to both parties and will eventually backfire on the strong person, or explode in the faces of all involved.

When God said it was not good for man to be alone, He was speaking to woman too for as aforementioned she was already inside of him.  God looked at the Garden setup and realized that all of the creatures had a complementary creature, but the man had none.  So God put him to sleep and went to work.  We don’t know how long it took, but we do know that when God finished and brought them together, the world of gardens would never again be the same. J

So, are you looking for someone to complete you or complement you?  If you need someone to complete you, that means you need to look in the mirror and have a long talk with God and yourself and locate the missing pieces to/of who you are, because no other person has your missing pieces.  And certainly not especially if they too are looking for someone to complete them!  Can you smell what’s not being seen in this picture?  Anyhoooo, what do you get when you put too incomplete people together?  Answer:  Two incomplete people.  The Bible says in reference to the marriage of one man and one woman, that the two (complete persons) shall become one.  One in spirit, one in purpose, one in love, one in heart and mind, and yes, one in and with their bodies:  two different complementary beings that can fit together because one is the receiver and the other is the giver.  None of the animals could do for Adam what the woman Eve could do for Adam because none of them had ever been a part of him.  So this is what it looks like to complement each other:  The connection is complete, and energy, electricity, fire, etc. can be created, harnessed and used to do great things:  A consummation of spirits, souls, hearts, purposes, plans, pursuits, etc. for the conception of something out of this world!

Let’s take a stroll back into the Garden for another example.  One half of a banana plus one half of an apple does not make a whole banana or a whole apple.  They however can work together to complement each other for they are both in the fruit family.  Yes, that would make them fruity.  But seriously, when two people complement each other, they empower and enable one another to complete their individual missions on earth by God.  And inside the context of marriage they can create what neither of them can accomplish on their own alone, never losing their individual identities and uniqueness, because coming into the relationship they are already complete.  And also in the context of marriage they can accomplish (the potential is there) what cannot be done in any other type of relationship – the intimacy of Jesus Christ with His bride the Church. J  This is one of the most important truths (if not THE most important) which puts the marriage relationship in a class all by itself. 

Now, if you are looking for someone to complement you, then turn the table around and instead look for someone to complement.  What do you have that you are willing to invest in another person that can help them to do all they can do,  as they continue becoming the better person God has designed for them to be?  A good way to answer this question is by looking inside of ourselves and asking “what do I want from others?”  “What do I think I need from others?”  “Do I have these attributes in myself to give to someone else?”  If not, why not?  And “what can I do to develop these character traits, talents, gifts, propensities, resources, etc. in myself, which I desire and expect in and from others?”  You never know, the very person who you decide to complement may just be the one you’re searching for to complement YOU!  Adam had to look no further than inside of himself and it was from there that God created the one he needed to complement him. J  Before he ever saw or met her, she was inside of him.  Only God could bring them together in real time.

This is what helps to keep my head on straight:  We cannot give what we don’t have, so we should not expect from others what we’re not willing to give.  For if we were and are willing to give “it” then we must be willing to get busy developing those traits, etc. within ourselves.  (A mouthful I know.) The best complement (compliment J) we can give someone else is recognizing what we have to offer them and being willing to invest in them to the best of our ability, with what we have to give.  (Not loan, but that’s for another blog topic.)  (And it’s not always about money or material things.  We are spirit beings first.)  “Bring It!”  Bring something to the table. 

The best complement we can receive from someone else is not “you complete me” but “you complement me, you complement my life.  Thank you.”

Peace.