Rubber Bands, Trampolines, and Basketballs.

I watch people everyday going and coming, running and walking, rushing to the red light and chasing trains only to arrive and miss them. Sometimes I never turn on the television, and some days I just stay home for some much needed quiet and relaxation, because I never have to go far to see people. Granted, living in Paris you bump into people even if you’re living alone, sleep-walking on your way to the bathroom at 2 am. You only have to go as far as your mirror to see people, and who or what do you see? There’s no need to send email responses etc. revealing confidential information. That’s an “in-house” question. ;-) Me? Sometimes I see rubber bands of many lengths, colors, widths and depths. Other times I see mini-trampolines and the huge Olympic sized ones. (Please no comments from the chocolate factory.) And sometimes I see basketballs. Again, no comments. :-) What do these three have in common? Their ability to be stretched, and bounce back. (And yes, they are used in sports and for exercising, but let's talk about that later.)

People are not made of rubber material, but sometimes I think at the subconscious level we think we are, because much of the time we act like the Energizer Bunny: we keep going and going and going. But eventually EB stops too because as good as the energizer battery is, it has a shelf life. And so do we. Many times we take on more tasks i.e. assignments and projects than we truly can bear, and to justify it we quote a favorite scripture in martyr-like fashion, “God won’t put more on me than I can bear,” or something to that effect, when most of the time we’re delivering pizzas He did not order. And then we wonder why we’re not “getting paid”, say nothing of a tip. Extra cheese please!

Rubber bands tend to wrap themselves around “things” (and people) to keep them together, which is not a bad job to have. Public relations and organization. LOL!! Just make sure the retirement package is substantial, because rubber bands: 1. Lose their rubberability (I could not resist making up that word), and dry-rot around the objects they were designed to hold together TEMPORARILY. Ouch! (It’s time to let some things go, for the pain is . . .) 2. Can be stretched out of shape and no longer return to their original shape, and thus lose their usability. (Okay, that’s already a real word according to spell check.)

Have you ever stored items you wanted to keep forever, or that you just planned to return to maybe in a month or so, but you don’t have an appointment with them, so you wrapped a rubber band around them and put them in a drawer, or on a shelf and eventually you forgot they were there? Then when it’s time to spring clean three or four years later you “find it” and discover the rubber band is sticky and gooey, or it breaks off into fragmented pieces (I guess this would depend upon the dryness or humidity in the environment over time)? Hmmm, it has lost its “bounce-back ability”, which leads me to trampolines and basketballs.

They too are made of rubber material and are made to go the distance, but time, and wear and tear take their toll on these as well. Trampolines, left uncovered to weather the elements and storms will eventually let you down (I can see something like this on “YouTube” now) in a moment of assumption. Oooh, that hurt. Hmmmm. And basketballs sometime lose their air (Jordan can’t help you then) and are no longer fun to “play” with. And over time they too will lose their elasticity. That’s the word I’m looking for, like Stretch Man in the movie the “Final Four”! Oh no, that’s college basketball in the states. “The Fantastic Four”! and Elasta Girl in the movie “The Incredibles”. Hmmm, could it be that I’m overstretched with my mind wrapped around too many things at one time (snap!), or just for too long (fragmented)? Or all of the above?

I used to think one was “good” and smart, and smarter than others because he or she could multi-task mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and all those other “alleys” because it meant you could divide your mind and attention (but not your body) to be with more than one person at a time doing more than one thing at a time, or ALL things at ALL times. But people who do this long-term and lose their ability to maintain control are eventually diagnosed as bi-polar, or schizophrenic, or having Alzheimers, or dementia, or some other kind of mind “altering” condition. So why is it considered okay and normal as long as we have on a suit and tie, three inch patent leather heels, a palm pilot, three to ten phones, a gps with the mp3 usb key and mini laptop all in one? A divided mind is still . . . well a divided mind. (And “unstable in all his/her ways.” James 1:8) An overstretched rubber band – no matter its size or width is still overstretched. A dry-rotted trampoline is still going to drop you like it’s hot, and an air-less Jordan is still not going to let you cross on dry ground. (See the book of Joshua in the Old Testament for that one. ;-0).

I can look back on my short life and the lives of some of my friends and colleagues, and we don’t have to go through Star Gate or the Time Machine to see where and when we played, and won and lost basketball games, fell off trampolines, and at the end of the day just snapped! I don’t want to return to that way of thinking and living because a week long stay in the hospital, and an interview with a good looking young doctor revealed that the only place I was going fast, was to the grave. The more I looked into his beautiful brown eyes, the more I wanted to LIVE!! LOL!!! So he told me I had to remove my rubber band from around some things I was doing, and some people I was continually trying to please. I had to not only cover my trampoline during “inclement weather”, but stop letting everybody jump on it, and any time they wanted to whether or not it was convenient for, and to me. Also, I had to stop being the trampoline too. Oooh, you can take that and right (I mean write) another topic all by itself. And follow the bouncing ball? Only in a cartoon song, and not if it’s no longer bouncing. I had to learn when to say “no”, “not this time”, “I don’t have it”, and other non-popular responses when friends, family, acquaintances, and enemies “needed” my services for their situations. (Needs are water, oxygen, clothing, food, shelter and love. Everything else falls under “wants” and “desires”.)

I think we all have within us the desire and need to be needed, because it affords us opportunities to “feel” valued and to be close to people in some way, even if in a negative one. We all want to do the “greater things” Jesus said we would do, but we need to find out what they are, and what that means for us individually. We all have different gifts, talents, resources, etc. and yes we all have egos that, whether we want to admit it or not, feels better when they’re being stroked and not stoked or poked. Am I thus equipped and empowered to meet certain needs? This is the question. And another one is, am I the person for the “job”? Sometimes even though we have the resources, it may not be our assignment.

Hmmm. Even those who don’t believe in Jesus the Christ suffer from, or experience the “Savior Syndrome”: “Just call me, I’ll be right there,” “I’ll be your bridge over troubled water,” “anytime you need a friend,” “I’m the only one you need,” etc. And on and on and on. Singers, lyricists, poets and musicians are good at, and good for putting these phrases to catchy tunes and causing us to prophecy to ourselves and others that we “can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” (and without Christ too). We’re convinced that we’re invincible and in this chain of fools, even though I may be a weak link, I’m gonna stand the strain and take all I can take until the chain breaks!!! “You can stretch me until there’s no more stretch left” is not a song He will let me write. (Maybe “Stretch Marks” to the tune of “Flashlight”? Just an impulsive spur-on-this-moment thought.) This is not God’s way, so therefore it is not His intention for any of us to exist like this.

We have to know when to say “when”, when to say “no” and when to say “yes”. There’s only One true Savior of the world, and He came with the perfect plan for all of us to live and LIVE (I did not say die) this life with our bounce-back ability intact. One of my favorite scriptures through Jesus’ mouth while He walked the earth, found in the New Testament account of Matthew 11:28 is this, “Come unto Me (that would mean God) all you who labor (that would mean ‘work’) and are heavy laden (too much jumping on your trampoline), and I will (Jesus/God) give you rest. (that would be . . . rest. LOL!) Take my yoke (assignments and projects) upon you and learn of me (hmmm, you know what it takes to learn about something, or Someone – go to “school”), for my yoke (my assignments and projects and methods) is easy (hmmm, now that’s a hard one) and my burden (help a sister out here. LOL!!) is light (I think that would mean it’s not heavy.)”. ;-) And neither are you. He/she ain’t heavy, he/she’s my brother and sister for sure, but the only One who can carry us both is Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God. He IS the rubber band that won’t ever snap or dry rot. His trampoline is bouncing back the entire universe keeping the moon, stars and sun from crashing into each other. And He’s the greatest B-Baller Who ever lived because he lived, died and rose again! Now that’s true “bounce-back ability”. I’m not the Savior. I’m just your sister.

Peace.

Letting Go

Recently I had a dream which let me know where I’ve been, thus revealing where I am, and what I need to do to move forward. I don’t know how you feel about dreams and their meanings, but I do know that science (I do love science) has proven that everyone dreams. The problem is most of us don’t remember our dreams, or we don’t remember even having a dream experience during the night, which may be due to several reasons. But those reasons do not comprise the topic of this message.

I’ve been doing this a long time, dreaming that is LOL!!! Yes, I’m still here. Anyhoooo, dreaming on the closed-eye and opened-eye sides, and interpreting dreams. Some are easier than others, while some I’m still waiting for the understanding. Several dreams I’ve had again and again for over 30 years and I’m just now getting the complete understanding of them, which have resulted in life-changes galore. Wow!!! For within the dreams lay answers to many questions I am not always able to answer in real-time day time.

In my most recent dream I was with some high school class mates who were glad to see me after 20+ years, and “as usual” we went to our lockers (for what I don’t know, for we’re adults now) and when I arrived at mine I had been occupying two lockers. (I didn’t know this was even possible, even in the dream world. LOL!) The locks had been “broken” and removed from one and left hanging on the other, and a note left on one instructing me to empty one of its contents, for each student could have only one locker. Inside my locker were all kinds of vegetables that I love, artichokes, broccoli, and other green veggies, and they were still good. None of them, even though they were not in a refrigerator, had spoiled. Yet because I had nowhere to store them I had to throw them away. There were only one or two types of uncooked meat and even they had not spoiled, but I had to throw them away too.

Yet within the large gymnasium-like room was an atmosphere of celebration and I seemed to be the center of it all, so it was difficult for me to be angry that my locker had been opened and exposed to possible theft (which did cross my mind). Many of my friendly classmates surrounded me and helped me discard these things from my locker. (Yes, that is to imply that not all of my classmates were friendly.) Other things happened in the dream which are significant to me, but this part concerns this message of “letting go”.

When I interpret dreams I first write down all the elements in the dream: people, colors, environment – how it feels, looks, what kind of space and lighting, the people, dialogs, clothing if they for some reason become a focus. Emotions and thoughts also are important for they reveal a lot. Daytime or nighttime, clock time if there’s a clock. The races of people, genders, old and young, etc. Then I consult different dreams “experts” through books, and even friends who understand dreams, to put everything together.

The veggies in this dream had to be discarded even though they were still good, as well as the meat (which I did not know what kind it was, btw.) and I recall wondering "why"?, and “couldn’t we put them in a refrigerator somewhere”?. But that was not possible in that setting. So I consulted one of my dreams books and it says that vegetables represent memories. Wow!! Yes. Hmmm, veggies are nutritious too, but sometimes we need to be eating something else? According to the wisest man who ever lived “there’s a time for everything under the sun . . . a time to do this and a time to refrain from doing that” (whatever “this” and “that” may be). (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) But I took something else from this, more important to me than physical nutrition in a dream.

Sometimes memories, whether good or bad, must be released, for they can hinder forward progress. It’s easy to see the reason for letting go of painful and negative memories, but positive ones – good veggies in the garbage pail? C’est pas vraie!!! Oui mais, yes. Needless to say, I had to stop for a while and think about this one. Then I opened the greatest Book of all books to the 11^th chapter of the Old Testament account of Numbers. The Israelites were in the wilderness by now and they were hungry. Oh, and they started complaining that God’s cuisine wasn’t French enough for them, for they wanted the veggies of Egypt (I just melanged two countries didn’t I, or maybe three.) (verses 1-10). Verses 4-6 read, “Who will give us meat to eat? We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!”

Ooooh talk about biting the Hand that feeds you. And yes, like any normal parent, they rubbed God the wrong way and He dealt with them strongly. They complained in the transition of moving from slavery to a land of the free and the home of the brave!!! Okay, you can read the rest for yourself, but you get the picture right? They seemed to have a short memory of the slavery they had endured for 200 years!!!! My how a hungry stomach can move one to make ignoramus decisions. (Remember brother Esau in Genesis? Must have been some good soup.) Good grief. (But I’m not judging them for in them I see myself too.) Also they just forgot about the great rescue coming through the Red Sea on dry land and watching those same Egyptians who enslaved them and their parents and grandparents, drown in waters none of them were supposed to cross. Yet they did. Short memories? Bad memories? Remembering the wrong things? Selective memories? Alzheimers, dementia, bi-polar? Yes, maybe all of the above.

Many times we wonder why we cannot seem to go forward towards our dreams and purpose for living, and it’s largely due to our past. The significance we attach to certain people and events, positive or negative, but in these examples it is the positive that’s causing the problems, not the negative. I have a great friend who was struggling to stand and walk like the Nubian princess she is in a pair of old well-worn gold shoes. She looked good from head to ankle and received so many compliments from strangers passing by the five hours we spent together. Needless to say I wanted to bless her with a new pair of shoes because of the transition of the seasons, and because those shoes had lost whatever they had when she and they first met.

When she finally put on the new shoes I took the old ones to throw away, but she would not let me. After much tug of war between us she confessed that they held special memories for her and I said “aah, so memories are strong enough to keep you limping and walking on the sides of your knees” (I am exaggerating, but not too much). So she said she would keep them to walk around the house. I told her to say her goodbyes and give them a funeral, but I knew she had to do it her own way and in her own time, for she would have to discard more than just the shoes.

We all have “things” from our past that we thought would last, and we wish had never ended, so we hold onto photos, videos, letters, leaves and flower petals, books, music, clothing and shoes we can no longer wear, etc. because they allow us to relive the past. But how can we move forward; driving while looking through the rearview mirror? Ce n’est pas possible.

My next step was to accept the freedom from the One who broke the locks on my lockers to help me realize I no longer needed the contents within. Even though they were still edible. Hmmmm, that’s part of the difficult part. As long as there is life in those memories and things, we don’t see the need in letting them go. But think of it this way, when you give away clothing and shoes, do you give away items that have outlived their usefulness for everyone, or items that you’ve “outgrown” (no pun intended, but if you want to take it that way, comme tu veut. ;-))? No one wants things you DON’T want, for where is the value in that? You don’t want things others don’t want either. The beauty in gift-giving, whether new items with the price tag still on them, or used ones still full of life, is the value they are to the giver. The recipient is more likely to appreciate your gift when your desire for it is still attached to it. Test this theory: when you’re wearing your favorite necklace or bracelet and a friend, or new stranger-friend meets you and sees it and just seems to want it, and you know inside you never planned to give it away, for it is your favorite. All of a sudden you see the value it has for you, again. See what I mean. People want what you want.

How does this relate to me letting go of the veggies in the dream? No one would have wanted spoiled veggies, and I certainly am not one for wasting good food, yet I had outgrown these veggies (memories) and no longer needed to share them with others. Some things are not meant to be passed on. Just let go. Even when/if they still have “life”. Who wouldn’t want to remain in a good place like a great rocking chair or lazy boy recliner? It’s comfortable with a great view, but it goes nowhere. Good memories are like great chairs. You can move in them, but you will never go anywhere. (Unless you’re Chevy Chase’s aunt in the movie “Vacation.”) ;-)

What do you need to let go of at this point in time? I know it’s not always easy, but when moving to the next phase becomes more important to you than feasting on the “food” of your past, you will either thrust "them" out of your “space”, or run away from them as fast as you can. Peace.

My Space

Sounds familiar right? Well it has been here all along. It wasn’t just created by someone who is technical and internet savvy. All my life (sounds like Sophia from the movie “The Color Purple”), and I’m sure you may have too, I’ve been dealing with the issue of my space. Being an American my comrades and I believe in giving each other sufficient space to breathe, to move, to sneeze, cough, and all kinds of other human things we do. ;-) Sometimes we hug and kiss and walk arm in arm and hand in hand, but when it’s over it’s time to back off and let each other breathe. Now if this is normal with family, friends and for some of you, pets (comme tu veut), how much more should it be a normal reality between strangers? Hmmm. Three m’s that time.

I know different cultures have different mores, but we all share the same oxygen and the need for it so I think we need to talk. My space is my space, and your space is your space, and as strangers the twain shall never meet unless, and until we mutually agree to invite each other in. To me this is just respectful and safe. We’re living in the time of pigs flying in space (better known as The Swine who flew. Who knew?) so no one is safe as long as we’re ignoring and disrespecting personal space. Even if we all wore masks I would still look at you funny if I could feel you breathing down my neck in the checkout line at Monoprix. Please back off. Thank you.

Also, I’ve found myself more here of late, having to share dressing room space with more than one person, male and female. The first time this happened I was literally appalled and could not bring myself to undress. What is this world coming to? :-0 Anyhoooo, as time continued to come and go and the incidents increased I learned how to deal with it and some tricks of my own. However it was in one of these settings that I realized that many people know nothing about respecting the property of others in their space, much less their space. (Don’t get lost, stay with me.) I had a chance to see my reactions and responses from outside of my body for these for me were out-of-body experiences, and to the others I appeared to be a different person. Someone they never met and someone they never expected to meet with my face on. LOL!!!

For many years I have shared my space with others sometimes voluntarily, but mostly because I had to. Children growing up in my era did not have “rights”. We just did what we were told. Period. And because of this I learned to make myself small to get by, to get along and to get along with others, and to keep people happy. (For some reason this did not work when trying to avoid gaining weight. Food for thought for another blog.) But maybe you’re familiar with the old cliché, “give an inch they’ll take a mile with a smile.” (I added the smile part.) Well, most of the time it is true. When we don’t make our boundaries known people will treat us like we’re not even there. I have experienced this just walking the streets of Paris. Everyone walking towards you is not blind with a dog, and if they were with a dog the dog would keep them from walking into you. No, I’m talking about people who are different from you who feel they own the sidewalk or the space you’re walking or standing in and they proceed to walk over you, if you let them. No thank you, this is my space. Thank you.

Back to the dressing room. When you must share space with several others in a limited amount of space, each person must find a way to respectfully coexist with the others in that space. (I just love talking like this. :-)) I found a corner for me and my purse and bag and I made sure I used my possessions to create a perimeter around myself. Therefore I, and everyone else knew where I in my space began and ended, and where they could begin in conjunction to me. Well, one person in my short absence chose to ignore my possessions as though they were not there, and when I returned and saw the utter lack of respect I took action. I removed this person’s belongings from among my things, for we are not sisters, cousins or close friends, neither we did not make a pact or agreement to mélange our belongings. So to do so in my absence . . . , well I was appalled to say the least (I seem to like that word at this point in time. It will be another one next season. LOL!!). My reaction, small and silently executed did not meet with a smile, but the message was simply delivered and clearly understood. Please, respect my space.

Our space is all we have. Who you are, who I am – this is our space. It is given to us by God. Some of us require more space than others because of our size, our lifestyle, our possessions (whatever we’re defining “my space” to be), etc. yet it is ours. First your body and your mind – your personal physical, mental and emotional space. Then your home – your living space. And wherever we go our personal physical space is our own, and we must treat ourselves like we expect and deserve to be treated by others. How we carry ourselves and what we allow others to do to – for or against us, informs them how they can act in our space. My actions demonstrated to that person what I will and will not tolerate in the small space I have, and what I will not do to others as well. What was done to me, of which I did not approve, I expect of myself not to commit against others, for I reap what I sow and in larger measure.

My space. When you have had to share your space for so long, when you finally get your own space, you feel like you can breathe and yes, you may even become, or appear to be selfish to others. But that’s only to those who did not know you before. The historical (not hysterical) people in your life will nod in agreement and say “it’s about time you had your own space.”

I was sharing some “my space” stories with some special friends of mine (you will know who you are when you read this) which made us laugh, but I shall not share the details here. Nevertheless stories beget stories and we discussed how the French like to greet you with a kiss, but they don’t like for you to hug them. Now for me, a kiss to a stranger is really getting into each other’s space, even for a short second. I would rather shake hands (maybe. My hand, metro hand. That’s another story and joke. I guess you just have to hang out with us, but I’m sure you have a bazillion stories of your own to share too. That’s why when you create your blog, you will have YOUR space. LOL!!!), which is what we Americans do. Another way Americans greet each other, more familiars i.e. friends and family is by hugging, which is what the French don’t like to do. Well, I tend to hug anyway so I think either we will compromise, or I will break you down. To me a hug is more warm and intimate. The French kiss (not tongue in cheek. LOL!) is so superficial because for many people they don’t kiss you at all. All they do is make the kissing noise in your ear, which shows me what? You’re a fake. Now I have some special friends who make sure I know I’m being bisoused (kissed) and I know they mean friendly business. And they also hug and receive my hug in return for they know it is real. Now I don’t mind this happening in my space. Real people with real, good and genuine intentions . . . positive energy happening up in here. If this is you, welcome to my space!

A long time ago, space as we now know it was not like we know it. :-) But the Almighty Creator decided to speak His thoughts into space and voila, things began to change, in this space. Mind you, it was all always His space to begin with, but He decided He wanted to share His space with others. Hmmm, the moon and stars, the sunshine, and to separate the waters into different size bodies called lakes, rivers, streams, oceans and seas. Then He wanted to express His sense of humor in His space and created animals and some things I still don’t understand the purpose for, bugs. LOL!! Now I do understand worms – to aerate the soil, but snakes, in this space, I still don’t understand. Anyhoooo, like I said, it was and is His space. Just like this blog is one of my little spaces in the www, the earth, part of the universe is God’s space.

Oh, then as He was rocking in His swivel rocking chair (I like those the best because they rock and go around in circles and recline!! I believe God’s throne does this so He can have a panoramic view of His creation and have fun, and not get bored.) He brought forth His vision of the two legged kind and He made man. And then WO-man. I love to be a part of the ones called WO or Whoaaa!! Yes!! Go ladies, go ladies!! Baby got back. Okay that’s enough of that. We’re all in His space. Hmmmm, and the Bible says in Genesis that we’re made in His image, so part of that means He created us to have our space in this place too. He even respects us in His space. As mighty and omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, and sovereign that He is, He chooses to respect us, thus laying the foundation for how we are to operate in His space – respect of Him, ourselves, and one another. Yes! And this is part of the reason mean and evil people still exist in the world – God respects their choices. This is not easy for those they hurt and kill, but they demonstrate that the blueprint of God’s nature is not on their souls, for they lack self-respect, and therefore cannot respect others.

No, it’s not selfish to demand that others respect you in your space. As a matter of fact it is criminal not to do so, because when we don’t respect ourselves, others will not respect us and we won’t respect others (for we cannot give what we do not have, and we cannot perform what we have not practiced, we cannot teach what we don’t know, and we cannot lead where we’ve not gone or where we won’t go), and when others don’t respect us we become a society of disrespectful beings, which makes us lower than the animals.

My space. Watch how I act in my space. Therein lays the clue as to how I will treat you in your space, and when you are in my space. Also therein lays the clue as to how I expect you to treat me in your space and my space. And if you don’t know, just ask. Peace.