Older men with young and younger women and older women with young and younger men. These topics are as old as humanity and people have been “crossing over” the great, and greater generational divide for different reasons. (I’m not talking about the old men marrying infantile little girls for that’s a crime. Period.) I’ve been observing this trend becoming more popular in our contemporary times and I’ve got some things to say about it. :-) My thoughts are not for those who don’t believe in Jesus Christ because you and I are not/will not be on the same page, thus we will not even be able to make a heart and spirit connection. This article is for and towards those who say and believe they are true disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the One and only living God, Creator of the universe. That means we are “brethren” and thus I have a right and responsibility to talk to and with “family”.
When I say “generational” I’m not talking about “within bloodlines” for that would be incest, etc. So please, let’s allow our vocabulary to expand and if necessary, read this article with a dictionary at hand. Now let’s just dive right in, straight no chaser.
Men who choose to live single lives working themselves to the bone to become whatever they want to become, rich and famous, educated and full of themselves, for the ministry or not, cancerous, old, with high blood pressure, and then decide to reach backwards (or forwards, depending on which direction they’re/you’re facing) into the younger generation to take some father’s young, young daughter to become their wife, in my estimation are selfish. Why do I say this? For several reasons and with questions because I don’t want to come across as accusatory:
- You spend all of your young years and libido acquiring material and physical things, social status because you believe that you don’t have time for a wife and maybe a family, while you are healthy and able to be with them in every way. Do you think it is fair to a younger woman for you to not to be able to “rise to the occasion” when she wants and needs you to, and too? Do you think it is fair to her for you not to be able to run with the children, if you allow her to have children? (Because you’re too old . . .) Or if you don’t mind her having kids, do you think it is fair to her to raise the children all by herself with you just resting in the house because you’ve already done everything to provide all the material things (I won’t say ‘necessities’ because everything is not a necessity.) you believed you needed and wanted? Yes, I know it was your prerogative, but now you’re OLDer! You know some things don’t work as well when they’re older as they did when they were younger, especially if one has spent his or her life taking things for granted and not taking care of the spirit, soul, and body. Biological clocks tick for both men and women. Pay attention!! Viagra is not safe.
- Do you reach back for someone to take care of you in your older years as you provide for her materially? What is the guarantee that she will stay with you if she is virile and becomes like you – reaching back to the younger-than-her (and younger-than-you) generation to get and keep her groove on as she too ages? Hmmmm, what goes around always comes around in this life. This stuff doesn’t happen in the after-life. :-)
- Or, and I hope this is the case more than not, do you desire to be with a younger woman because she has a dream that’s bigger than she can accomplish alone, and you want to be part of something bigger than yourself? Or maybe you’ve acquired wealth just for this reason – to help someone else acquire and live their dream and purpose while you become life-long companions in the process and journey?
I’ve heard arguments from many men that all women are gold-diggers, diamond-miners, controlling, searching for their daddies, etc., yada, blah blah blah. Hmmm, but that’s just not true. Most women have a place to live, even if it’s not where they want to live until they die and even if the conditions are not optimum; most sane women are not trying to get a man just to find a place to live.
Most sane women who are educated and have a car are not looking for a man to give them a car (and even some who don’t have cars are not looking for this either), and even some women who have not earned their college degrees are not searching for a man to provide them with material things. Most everyone nowadays has a computer, telephones, televisions, etc. and many even sleep with them, but most sisters I’ve talked with from several ethnicities and countries don’t find sleeping with their phones, televisions, and computers satisfying. I know I don’t, so I don’t sleep with them, much less have sex with them. Hmmm.
Most of us sane women who are being transformed by Jesus the Christ enjoy real face-to-face interactions with healthy men for healthy reasons. I’ve never been a digger in a gold or diamond mine, and I’ve never sought for a man to be my daddy. Not all of us educated women are controlling, neither are we men-bashers, nor do we hate men. Many of us pray for men, and for them to take their rightful, God-given places in society and this world, because for His own reasons God chose to create man first as the first human being. And yes, I know that sentence might just be redundant, but it does the work doesn’t it? There’s no misunderstanding what I mean is there? :-) Hmmmm, anyhooooo . . . We thus have learned to agree with God because we know He knows what is best – He knows the end from the beginning.
Older women who seek out younger men. Hmmm, why? Because men their own ages don’t seem to want to relate to women closer to their own ages. Why? Because the great social, intellectual and economic divide has been diminished because of “equal rights” and men can no longer tell women what to do just because they say “do it”. Men can no longer “control” women as the weaker gender. Women are full of excitement and life and vitality, visionaries and dreamers, world travelers, ministers, life-coaches, motivational speakers-teachers-preachers, and they desire men who are not dead on the vine. Sorry guys, but it’s the truth. But there’s also a problem women: As your young buck ages, or he gets his education (if he doesn’t already have it) and begins to mature, he too will do what you have done and that’s reach backwards (or forwards) into the next generation and grab a younger-than-him (and younger-than-you) filly, and she will probably be silly, to keep his uneducated ego alive because neither his mother nor you dealt with his “young boy insecurities.” But the younger silly filly will thank you for preserving him for her because she will be too immature to realize that she now has an older dumb man on her hands.
Young women who seek out older men. Why are you doing this? For security purposes? Was your father that much older than your mother and you’re just following in her footsteps? Was your daddy not “there” for you? (And I don’t ask that sardonically or sarcastically because fathers are absent for myriad reasons.) I can’t blame you though because most young men in your generation don’t wear belts, all they know is the language of video games, they live in their telephones and computers, they don’t wash, groom or use deodorant, they have more than one girlfriend or boyfriend at one time, they don’t respect the elderly (so that lets you know how they will treat your parents and you NOW and when you get older, unless Jesus intervenes.), they can’t read, are not committed and will drop you like a hot potato if you have sex with them and get pregnant and don’t get that abortion, they don’t communicate in complete sentences with punctuation marks so you can understand and follow their train of thought(s). Yes, I’m talking to and about people who claim to be Christians for this is happening in the so-called “Christian” community too. And it is global. This is no longer (if it ever was) just an American phenomenon and disease. (“Dis-ease” is when the mental and emotional faculties are disturbed and not at ease, and when left unattended for extended amounts of time can result in sickness and illness. “Sickness” and “illness” are terms used better to describe physical dysfunctions.)
Young men who seek out older women. What are you doing? Replacing your mom? Trying to get a free ride so you don’t have to work or pay rent? ‘Cause you know if you get that older educated woman, she’s not going to be living in a shanty wearing rag-tag clothing? And if she’s going to allow you to be with her, she’s going to buy you the clothes and shoes you need and want? So you believe if you can keep her sexually happy and alive and feeling young that she will put up with your boyhood charm and bull? And then the world wants to call her a “cougar” for settling on you rather than settling to be alone since someone her own age doesn’t want to be with her, but wants someone more than 15 years younger than himself. So now what is he the older man called? A cougarette? A lynx? In the 80’s younger men who rented themselves out to older women were called “gigolos”.
If this much-older-than-you-woman wants to still have children, are you ready to marry her and be a father? Hmmm, oh my goodness what a . . . situation. (You can fill in the blank.) Most girls are raised (whether on purpose, by accident, or through life-models) to become mothers at a young age (this doesn’t necessarily imply maturity to do so, but the inclination to seek pregnancy to beat the biological clock, or to trap a man, or . . .), but boys are not raised to mature and become fathers at a young age. Any sane older woman will just use a young buck as her boy-toy and not consider him to be “father” material for her children, for she will be raising more children than she gives birth to. Will she have to peel your fingers from the video games so the real children can play with them? Will you ever get a full-time job or start a family business? Will you always argue about how much television you watch while the house falls apart? Hmmmm, that’s why you left your first mother’s house, right?
I remember while growing up hearing the adults telling the younger children to “go play with the children your age” because they knew those children were closer in maturity biologically and socially. For younger children to try and hang around with older children (or all the time with adults) will expose them to things they might not be able to handle. Older children also have a tendency to pick on the younger ones because they’ve not yet developed a maternal or paternal instinct towards younger children. Younger children have not yet developed the social skills and language to relate to the older ones, and be able to take care of or defend themselves.
One of our cousins, let’s call him Robert, was much younger than us, but there were no other children his age nearby for him to play with. My brothers made fun of him, hurt his feelings, picked on him as older boys do with younger ones, but they would never allow others to hurt him. If he came home hurt or with a report that someone bullied him, my brothers would seek out the perpetrators and set them straight. Thus my cousin and my brothers are glued to each other for life. They developed a bond that to this day cannot be broken by anyone.
You may say this example has nothing to do with my main topic at hand, but it does. I am not saying that older men cannot relate to younger women, and older women cannot relate to younger men, because anything is possible. But I do believe those relationships that do work are very unique and special. My favorite “old man-young woman” story is found in the Old Testament book of Ruth. In the third chapter verses 10-11 (The Healing Bible) “Then Boaz said, ‘May the Lord bless you, young woman. You have been very kind to me. Your kindness to me is greater than the kindness you showed to Naomi in the beginning. You could have looked for a young man to marry, rich or poor. But you did not. Now, young woman, don’t be afraid. I will do what you ask. All the people in our town know that you are a very good woman.”
It is a beautiful love story, and yes it is from a different culture, but we see that age does not have to be the limiting force, or a barrier between two honorable people who desire the same things in life, who desire to build up one another, who are called by God to complement one another’s destinies, purpose and God’s will for their lives. Sometimes when we connect with people like us in age, status, etc. we end up competing AGAINST each other rather than with and for one another, rather than motivating one another to excel and succeed. I was in a situation in which I was being blocked from being all I could be and doing all I could do, and through a dream the person was exposed and he confessed that he was indeed blocking me. Needless to say, we could no longer “be together”. Even though he was a little older than me, we were not in different generations. There was no generational divide between us, but something else called “how much do you really want to obey God for your life”, which is the topic for another time.
I know there are many “Ruth’s” “out there” waiting for their “Boaz” and I pray that they all get to meet him, no matter what the age difference may be.