Identity

A few weeks ago it happened again for the third time. I lost my purse. Well, actually I dreamed for the third time that I lost my purse, but it felt so real that when I woke up I was anxious and upset. This time I knew the dream was telling me something important which I seemed to not get after the first two, so I spent time with my thoughts and meditating on scripture and Holy Spirit. I got out my hefty “dreams help” book and recorded all the elements I could remember and asked myself “why did it upset me so much?” Uh duh, yeah you too thought that was a dumb question, but yet it was necessary because my emotions were a strong indicator and source of answers to the mystery in the dreams.

You see I’ve been blessed never to lose my purse for my grandmother taught me to never leave it anywhere and to treat it like it’s a part of my body, something that is with me everywhere I go. I know there can be a first time for everything, but I would rather pass on this one. Also I began to think about the things inside my purse that are important to me. Mouchoirs – kleenex tissues. Stylos – ink pens. Lotion – lotion. LOL!! Mp3 – Mp3. Hmmm, Camera- appareil-photo. Okay you get the picture because many of you carry these same items in your purses as well, but seriously in each of the dreams I woke up saying “my passport, my keys, my telephone” ugh!! (Charlie Brown “I got a rock”.) I felt like I lost everything, especially ME!

Why are they so important? Well the passport especially is important because it is proof that you are who you say and think you are J, and I am who I say I am. And especially when we’re in a foreign country to be “caught” without it can be a gross inconvenience to say the least. For those who have lost their purses, not once but twice etc. for sure you have actually experienced the anguish I only dreamed about. No pun intended. J

My keys are the “key” to my possessions. Without them I cannot access what belongs to me. Do you know how it feels to have something that is yours and yet you cannot even touch it? What a painful feeling. Oh and don’t say you lost your telephone! Can you hear me now? Of course not. To be out of touch with your world, not to be able to call someone for help because you’ve lost everything. Ouch 25 times! Need I say more, except to be honest, I was having a nightmare (cauchemar)! But I’m grateful it was still only a dream and not a reality-mare. So what did I learn from all of this?

Well, first of all my identity, autonomy, and my possessions are very important to me. It’s true that the possessions and telephone and even the passport can be replaced, but certain things cannot be replaced, for they come around only once. A new telephone, but not always the same number, so you have to contact all the people who have your lost number and give them the one you found at the phone store. J Some of my possessions cannot be replaced for once they are gone they are gone. They are exclusively mine, and you too understand this. That is why to lose family photos and memorabilia in floods, fires and other catastrophes can be devastating. Some things just cannot be replaced. Family members and memories cannot be replaced. Special creative creations stored on your computer’s hard drive cannot be replaced. You may be able to recreate them, but wow what if you have an abundance of them? You get the picture. The most important thing in the dream that seemed to cause me anguish was the connection of those things to my identity.

It’s not that I didn’t or don’t know who I am, but who I THINK I am, or know myself to be. The dream was telling me that I’m afraid to lose my identity, whoever I am or think I am, or who I am supposed to be. For who in the world wants to lose herself or himself? That sounds like amnesia or Alzhiemer’s Disease. But the dream wasn’t talking about either of those.

God, through the dream world was trying to send me an important message: “In order to win, you must first lose.” Win what? My destiny. The desires of my heart. My purpose in this life on the earth. A new and different direction from the one I was following and for many years thought was the right way. A new way of thinking, talking and “walking”. I needed to lose myself, lose the “me” who I am now, the mini-me LOL!!! For she’s too “small” to receive and accomplish the great dream her Creator and Lover of her soul has destined for her. I needed to lose my current identity, everything that makes me who I am now, the habits I continue to practice, the choices and decisions I make, etc. and become someone else, because God’s dream for me requires the “Me” He created before I was born to live in that dream, and not just dream about living. Someone I’ve never before met or known or been. “Who’s THAT girl?” The “Me” He created for greatness before all the other authorities and significant others in my life decided what I should do, how, when, where and with whom, which led me around a wilderness for 25+ years. J

Identity is important and what’s more important is living the right identity for you, and not someone others see and hope and want you to be. Our identity not only tells people who we are, but it drives us. Our identity not only tells us from where we’ve come, but also where we might be going. “Daddy was a boat builder and his daddy was a boat builder and his granddaddy was a boat builder. It’s all in the family and they’re expecting me to build boats too. It’s a family thing.” Maybe, but is it for you? Is it what YOU want to do? Did they do it with passion? If so that’s great!! But is it your passion? Or would you rather navigate the boat? J Some of us were born into families that raised chickens but it turns out our passion is flying. We like eating wings too, but on a 747 40,000 feet in the air! Yeah! ;-)

One thing I’m learning more and more about God as I fall more deeply in love with Him is whenever He tells me to give up something, it is because He has something better to give me. (I did not always believe this though.) And usually it’s a revelation about Himself I never knew which opens a door to another part of my life’s purpose that He had destined for me to fulfill. Wow! Four guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hung around Jesus for about three years or so and each of them wrote this same thing in their “journals”, words Jesus spoke to them and the crowds that followed Him. I read all of them and here’s how Mark wrote what Jesus the Christ said: “For whoever wants to save his [higher, spiritual, eternal] life, will lose it [the lower, natural, temporal life which is lived only on earth]; and whoever gives up his life [which is lived only on earth] for My sake and the Gospel’s will save it [his higher, spiritual life in the eternal kingdom of God].” (Mark 8:35) Amplified Bible. The more I tried to be and become who and what I thought I was, the more time and energy, health and other resources I continued to lose. When I finally “woke up” I was convinced I need to lose it all, this "self" I call myself, so I can become my real self.

Something else I learned from continuing to hang around Jesus is the “eternal kingdom of God” is not just some other place in another world for our souls to go after our bodies die in this one. Actually it describes the relationship God wants to have with us here and now! We don’t have to wait until we die and go to heaven to have this eternal kingdom of God. This is why Jesus came in the first place to give it back to us because it got lost in the Garden of Eden. Our first and true identity, our passport – our way in and out of the presence of God, keys – our access into the kingdom, and telephone – our communication with the Father got lost in the Garden of Eden. And we couldn’t even find a tissue to cry on. J Jesus came to earth and died on a cross to give us back what we lost – our true identity and purpose for living. “Amazing Grace how sweet the sound . . . I once was lost, but now I’m found . . .”

Peace.